The battle between being SELFLESS and SELFISH rages within me and increasingly, I want selfish to emerge as the victor.
By nature, I am a loner. I was born and raised as an only child. Some of my most peaceful and joyous moments are spent within the comforts and confines of my own home or car, or mind. Solitude creates safety.
By nature, I am a giver. I will do for others, and give of my heart and talents, tirelessly, making certain that the needs and requests of others are met with thoroughness and extra special care. Giving creates vulnerability.
Therein lies the conflict.
I am a firm believer that you should not give to others, in any sense, emotionally, physically, intellectually, or monetarily, with the notion that the gesture should/will be reciprocated. You give because its what you want to do. Expectations of happy returns breed disappointment and in some cases, resentment.
Give freely, but wisely.
What I know now, is that it's not wise for me to proceed without boundaries, ALL THE TIME. When people want/need something from you, you have the power to dictate what happens next. When people want/need to project their "stuff" on you, you have the power to accept or reject.
Protect your goodness and your spirit, but don't change. Adjust.
As my internal struggle plays itself out, my hope is that I master the fine line between giving to others and giving to myself, with consideration for self as my guiding force.
Personal decree: After God, I am first.
That is all.
Happy New Year
Happy New YOU
-Maven aka Lois
