Shake It Fast, Watch Yo'self!

OhhhKaaaay! Earthquakes are not cute. I grew up with blizzards, and in comparison to an earthquake, I'll take the waste deep snow, bitter cold, and Lake Michigan whup-your-butt wind and chill.

The thing about the 'quake is that it is unpredictable. Its like that slap upside the back of your head from your momma, that you NEVER see coming. My friend here knows that I am a wuss about the 'quake, so he immediately hit me on the BB Messenger to see if I was okay (and to tease me). The cell phone service has been locked up and the news is abuzz with various reactions from citizens and experts alike.

I am not close to the Valley area where the earthquake took place, but I felt it nonetheless. It was also felt in Sin City and San Diego.

This one registered magnitude 5.4 and I am happy that it wasn't worse, but there is always talk of "the big one", and that makes me nervous. I don't wanna get caught with my boy shorts down, ya' know?

There is gonna be a big earthquake drill here in November and I will be there front and center!

I am gonna be about the business of getting a disaster preparedness kit. Water, blanket, radio, batteries, toilet paper, band-aids, canned goods, a good book, etc.

........'cuz you never know.

I'll holla back, The Wendy Williams Show is on.



I've spoken before about my affinity for those in their golden years. The following is a prime example of why........


I See You Jayceon

There is a certain LA boy swagger that you just might not understand unless you live here. This video gives you a taste.

Yummy, right?

(Trav and X, I see you too!)

G, you BLESSED us with this one! Between you and Nasir, I feel rejuved about the Hop.


Get Better, Baby

In case you didn't know, within the pecking order of male dominated sports, football, for me, is tops. Basketball tightly closes in at second, and that beautiful, peaceful and relaxing game of baseball pulls up the rear.

With The Football League commencing its player-dreaded camps this week, some things stood out in my mind.

1) Young Chad is gonna be happy that he stayed in The Natti. I have a feeling that this is their year. Raymond James Stadium or BUST.

2) Damn, if J.ason Taylor doesn't look good in that Skins uni.

3) Donnie Mac is back! That NFC East is gonna be a beast!

4) Hurry up and get better. Antoni.o "The Smile" Gates is going to finally be back in action from that horrible turf toe injury, to be available for my Fantasy team, and also, to make my day when the corners of his mouth rise to display those amazing pearly whites!

In case you didn't know......put your damn shades on, its gonna get bright!

God Bless America!


The Tale of Sexy Potbelly

The great thing about a house party is you never know what to expect. Starting with the host can be a great litmus test, but that is not always a telltale sign of the vibe.

I attended a backyard get down this past weekend that I shall never forget as long as I live.

I was rolling with my girl Dan Belle (of course), who, by the way, now goes by "Big Ticket" (I'll get into that later). We were accompanied a friend, whom we will call Flight Wings, for the purpose of this story. I should note that the night began with a crew of five, but quickly dwindled down to three after some parental responsibilities took precedence for one and some CRAAAZZZY, Starsky and Hutch tire screeching, kidnapping, relationship drama took place for another (I swear I can't make this shht up).

Moving on, my com padres and I headed off on a small journey about an hour outside of LA. We arrived at the lovely home of one of Dan Belle's colleagues and that's when the madness began. Barring the absolutely INSANE comments made to Flight Wings about his personal involvement with Dan Belle by some folks he'd just met, the evening proved to be quite entertaining; a smorgasbord of blog fodder under the dark starry skies.

When we arrived, the hostess was on the mike singing along with MJB's "Just Fine". She really has a decent voice, so it was funny to see, but in a good way. We said our hello's and bum rushed the bartender, and basically sat right there for the rest of the night. There was food, so we smashed the buffet, then settled in for some people watching. Dan Belle was socializing with her folks, so that left Flight Wings and I to take in the fun that was happening on the dance floor.

While there was plenty of rumpshaking, droppin' it like its hot, and line dancing, the apple of my GTFOH eye, was a guy I dubbed, Sexy Potbelly. This cat was INCREDIBLE. Think, a broke down T. Howard, or Hustle and Flow's D Jay. Homie danced all night, and he had chicks lined up to dance with him, literally waiting for him to bend them over and simulate backshots to the beat of the music. He danced to every song, regardless of genre, like he was a male exotic dancer, with the hokey snake moves and all. I say this because, it wasn't appealing, at least not to me. He wore gray sweatpants and and a dingy wifebeater, and although he wasn't a big dude, he had a little potbelly and it was all too stank and funny.

I was tempted to go over and dance with him for the private amusement of myself, Dan Belle and Flight Wings, but I was afraid of what he might smell like, 'cuz like I said, he was dancing all night, and consistently sweaty, although that didn't seem to matter to the broads who STILL couldn't get enough. Well, Sexy Potbelly's shining moment came when he left the dance floor and headed to the buffet. This Squirrel opened two chafing dishes and went right in with his bare, nasty, sweaty, booty and crotch grabbing hands, and picked out a rib and a hot link and devoured them as if it were the last supper!!!!!! Flight Wings and I sat there in stunned silence for a spilt second before we erupted in laughter. It happened so fast, but it felt like slow motion. That's why I don't like to get down at a buffet, and had we seen that when we arrived, we would have never indulged. At the time, Dan Belle had just gotten a plate of veggies, so we opted not to tell her about the food dive until we left. To top it all off, Sexy Potbelly took his soft shoes right back to the dance floor, greasy bar-b-que hands and all and resumed his stripper boogie with a big girl.

Our next source of laughter came from a Huxtable sweater-wearing, toothless semi-old timer who came to the bar and asked for Gin and Juice......."Did he just say Gin and Juice"? (Crickets).... The answer to that question was a resounding yes, and the Squirrel was dead serious. He successfully put the icing on the cake with that request.

It was time to go.

So we left.

But I have a word of advice to you all. If you ever meet a friends love interest for the first time, DON'T take it upon yourself to divulge info about your friend and make comments that might be embarrassing or hurtful to the friend or their date. A woman, who by the way, told us that her people call her Aunt Juicy (seriously), told Flight Wings that she hoped he had some loot because Dan Belle was a Big Ticket. It was classless and egregious and she should have known better; the Itch gave GAW everywhere a bad name. I was through then, and I'm through now.

The Maven.


Those Annual Sports Awards 2008

I think the most memorable moment of the night for me was at the end of the show when the camera went to a shot of D Fish after Jesus Shuttlesworth slyly remarked "another win in LA", as the C's accepted their award for Best Team. Fish looked like he was gonna meet Mr. Allen in the green room and lay hands on him. There was clearly an elephant in the room at that moment, certain to be dealt with next season in a three-point barrage by Fish against the C's. Might not work though, seeing how Sugar Ray has the sweetest stroke and counter-attack in all the NBA. Look up the art of shooting baskets and you're very likely to see his smiling face.

Another momemt of note was the look on young Eli's wife's face when the so-called host was clowning her man about winning the Bowl and coming out of his brother's shadow. Embarrassing.

Overall, the show was decent. I am not a Timberfake fan, so that made it just a bit unbearable to watch, besides, his constant references to Memphis and Kansas were annoying. Get over it already, will ya?

It was great to see Kevin Everett walk on stage to accept his Jimmie V award, God is good all the time! It was also wonderful to see Ms. Robin Roberts and the Chicago homie Stu Scott there present the award. They are both brave and amazing in their own accomplishments and respective battles with cancer.

The honoring of Tommie Smith and John Carlos with the Arthur Ashe Courage Award was a proud moment indeed, as they seem to have put behind them, a few disagreements and hard feelings that have tainted their legacy over the years. It is likely that we shall never again see a black fist raised in a display of solidarity and black power, ever again. I feel an ESSPIN original movie coming.....

As for the "fits", everyone looked fairly nice. A man in a well-tailored suit NEVER gets old. Adrian Peterson looked VERY nice. Thumbs up to my girl Q, for her styling prowess with Mr. Whitaker and the Lady Baller, Ms. Parker.

The Maven


The Wrap Up

I owe you an apology. Perhaps I had you all anticipatory and excited to hear of my daily exploits in The Chi, yet I let you down. I didn't post after that first day, and again, I apologize but............. I WAS KICKIN' IT!!!!!!!

Lawd, Today! What a trip. IF you have never been to Chicago during the Fourth of July, you are missing out on an incredible Black experience.

The weather was beautiful, that Chicago summer air, especially at night, is intoxicating. Yes, its muggy and sticky at times, but its still love.

Because so many days have passed, my account of festivities and happenings will be abbreviated for times sake. I realize you don't come here to red a novel.

Day two, Friday, after hanging with Pops, I went to visit The Lady, albeit briefly, because she had to go "make the donuts". Then I went to visit my best friend, The Good Doctor, in her new diggs, to check it out. I am very proud of her accomplishments as of late and she and the little lady Capricorn aka "the future MD", love their house, so I love it too! Later that night, I went steppin' in CC Hills at Sweet Geogia [sic] Browns, a South Suburban lounge. I got a chance to dance with one of my long time friends and he was quite impressed with my progress, besides, he is a really good stepper, so i felt good holding my own. My girls (The Good Doc, Stella, Prof. Woo) and I laughed and drank and took pics, and I danced as much as my feet could stand. By the end of the night, my dogs were yelping from pain. Clearly, I'd worn the wrong shoes, but I was cute! I ended that night with a White Castle burger (a late night staple in The Chi), and it tasted delicious, but one was enough for various reasons (smile).

On Saturday, I hooked up with one of my oldest friends, Ms. ILM, and we scooped my girl Ms. Sophisticate (in from DC) and headed to the Old Skool Picnic. Chicago's OSP is not for the faint of heart. It is an ALL day affair full of grilling, drinking, socializing, reminiscing, and of course - Chicago House Music! For my generation, it is one of the most anticipated events of the summer. People bring their spouses and children, set up tents, and lay out blankets, for what ends up being a wonderful reunion and a humongous party. It is an incredible sight to see. I saw friends from grammar school, high school, college, and old jobs. I saw the twins that used to braid my hair.... what's up Doublestitch! I saw some of my homies (wassup Scilla), long lost friends, former enemies, ex-boyfriends, Squirrels and dips, (both mine and my girls). I even saw other LA transplants back in the saddle....wassup Coodie! I had a ball and it was just great to be amongst my own without incident or problem. That night, my crew was talking about keeping the party going at some aftersets, but my ass was tired and I had to haul it all the way back to the woods to Pops' house. That is a LONG drive.

Sunday was lovely. It was family day! I had breakfast with Papa, The Lady, Auntie Day Day and my cousin L. After eating, we went to catch a flick, and saw that new Big Willie movie. It was entertaining, and I enjoyed it for the most part, but it gave me a King K vibe at the end, and I always have issue when any brotha in a movie, sacrifices himself or his life to save Miss Ann. I'll leave it at that. After the movie, The Lady and I went to church and it was sooooo good to be in the TUCC sanctuary. I love that church! I reconnected with a member that I used to mentor alongside, I saw my boy who plays drums for the choir, and saw one of my grammar school teachers, Ms. Tripplett. She was still as fly as ever!

After church, I went to scoop my girl Mama So, and headed North to have tapas with The Ghandi's, MoMo and the CEO. It turned out to be quite eventful due to the topics of conversation, but all in all, we had a good time. Once again, I had to trek back to the woods....ooh wee, that's a drive, but it must not have worn on me too bad, becuz, I stopped by Stella's crib to see her beautiful chillun'. Please note though, that she too lives in the woods so I was close to home.

Monday and Tuesday I TRIED to slow it down. Monday, The Lady and I went downtown and afterwards we hit up the Harold's on 87th Street so I could have my fix, a Gizzard and Wing combo, mild and hot sauce, with salt and pepper. Hood Scrumptious! I then went to visit Grandad and Emo. No sign of the little brother though; he was in the streets. Later that night, I went to have a drink with MoMo. She and I went to Parc 52, our friend MBB's spot in The HP. We sat at the bar and had great girl talk. Girl talk is excellent sometimes, like when there is no game on! LOL! Once again, back to the woods for a good nights rest. But not before I stopped by a lounge where my girl Stella was hanging for a colleague's birthday celebration. One thing about The Chi, the lounges are poppin', and I aspire to be a Lounge Lizard, or Lounge Beyotch (as I like to say), so any time spent inside one is time well spent, in my book.

Tuesday, I had breakfast with The Mouth of the Southside (she knows who she is), and then headed into the city to the old neighborhood (London Towne) for a visit with my second Mom, T Maxx. Next I headed to The Lady's crib again for one last visit, and my cousin, Pretty Black, brought her boys by. They are so cute! To end the day, I went to Papa's house and we ordered pizza, drank brew, read the paper, and watched that (B)ubba, (E)d and (T)ed reality show about those LA kids in the Hills. Lights out.

Wednesday, my final day, I basically hung out with Papa. We went to run some errands, ate breakfast, and stopped by Mama So's parents house to see her and her boys. I had not seen those boys in about two years and they just amaze me; they are so nice and are growing by leaps and bounds. It was good to see her Mom and Dad too!

I took a shuttle from the burbs to O'Hare and my Papa's quest to get me there on time was like being in Talladega Nights or something because he was driving like a cannonball on fire.

I am back in LaLa now, completely and utterly exhausted and a little sad, because I'm coming down off my amazing home "high". Its like I'm living Stevie W's "Rocket Love".

In the midst of this whirlwind, I missed a few B Days. Happy Born Day to JM, Moose, EY, and JC! Please forgive and charge it to the game!

I'll catch y'all in a day or two. Promise. A Squirrel's gotta get her bearings.

The Maven


Say Chi City-Day One

It was a long day, but Day One at the crib didn't disappoint. I had a crack of dawn flight from LA and made it into O'Hare mid-afternoon. My girl Clarice picked me up and we went to meet another homegirl, Stella, for a bite and some spirits. Well, let's just say, spirited it was! I drank a carafe(small) and a half of Sake and they drank other wines and we laughed our black arses off for what seemed like hours. We were at some Thai spot in Indiana and I'm almost certain that our server was spittin' in our water becuz we were giving her the flux. I asked the broad for cold sake and she brings it room temp, so I had her rig an ice bucket out of a plastic pitcher. Who does that? Who chills their sake in a water pitcher? I do! My girls were laughing, reminding me that I wasn't in the City of Angels. I must caution you that it was still early, and even moreso for me since I was on Pacific time, but I digress because I LOVE drinks in the afternoon!

By the time Stella dropped me at my Pop's place, I was having difficulty forming sentences and I attempted to sit up with she and my Dad to chat, but it was futile. I had to shut it down. By 9 or 10, I was showered and in bed. Day one was done.

When I woke up this morning, I had text messages about a party I missed, but it didn't matter because I was hungover. My Dad was up, all bright-eyed, blasting Coltrane, telling me to get up. So, I did, and now we're in the streets and I'll holla at you all later, after I see my Momma or something. Thangs are just getiin' started 'round here!

The Maven


Hump Day House Music - Home Edition

Yo! I'm headed to the crib in the morning! Can't wait. I get to see the smiling faces of the two who gave me life! I need this break, badly. Haven't been to the crib in a year and I'm homesick. I need to recharge. See my best friends, old friends and loved ones....Wake up to see deer running across my Pop's lawn....Taste The Lady's home cooking....Eat some Harold's, Curt's and Giordano's....See the Skyline....Roll on Lake Shore Drive....Walk down Michigan Ave....Hit up the Taste of Chicago and the Old Skool Picnic and listen to some House Music... Go to Hyde Park.... Make my rounds in London Towne....Go to church (TUCC)....Get some steppin' in somewhere on Stoney Island....Maybe get in a Sox game....

I will be checking in while I'm gone, but just know that this is EXACTLY how I will feel when I get off that plane.......

Love Injection - Trussel