Is She Serious?

I am sitting here watching a P.alin interview on C.NN and I believe that I am going to relieve myself of the French Onion soup I ate for lunch.

First of all, why do I always feel like I'm at a hoe-down when she's speaking?

I have grown exceptionally tired of listening to her spew rhetoric, hatred and lies. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out what she's speaking about. Who are J.oe The P.lumber, P.hil The Bric.klayer, R.ose The T.eacher, and "Tee-Toe The Builder". Are they pissed that now they will or have become points of national scrutiny? Does she have to address her crowds as if they are kindergarteners?

If you notice, Say-Rah, begins her talking points, aka, her run on sentences, with hopes that she sounds sensible or intellectual. However, she comes up snake eyes every time. She is a walking crapshoot, a bad dream, a worst case scenario. Seriously, SHE STILL CAN"T PROPERLY OUTLINE THE VP JOB DUTIES!!!!

According to this broad, I may not be a "real American". "Real America" is in small towns where folks "love this great country", work hard, are patriotic and love God. But I'm here to inform Ms. W.asilla, that although I don't live in a small town, I do live in a small apartment, drive a small car, and have a small amount of money in my bank account. Am I not good enough to be christened a "real American?"

See, S.arah, I'm AM a real American. Would you be mine, could you be mine, won't you be-my-neighbor? I mean, gee whiz Say-rah, you aren't averse to living next door to me are you? It will be okay.....I will cook a pot of collards and mustards for you, and you can hook me up with your favorite Moose stew and we can swap "war" stories about the pain our ancestors suffered while helping to make the country so wonderful. We spread the wealth a LONG time ago, in hot ass kitchens and cotton fields, so don't give me that B.S. about O.bama spreading the wealth and how bad that will be for "real Americans." Your coded talk doesn't fool anyone. You are playing to the fears of "real Americans" who want to maintain their piece of pie.

With Obama, there will just be more pie. And not apple. Sweet Potato.



If we dig deep enough through the recesses of the cyber mind, we find FEAR! Folks are afraid of a "black planet", where countless negroes will arise from the doldrums and spread Hip-Hop all over the world (oops, we already did that.) They should not worry though, we won't "take over", we will simply continue to make our dignified and important contributions to history and society as we've been doing all along.

Racism is alive and well and y'all better stop taking naps. Remember, our forefathers made moves in the shadows to get ahead. Things have not changed. Get your flashlight.

A Monday Mind

Football is magic. Pizza is magic. Beer is magic.

I'm catchin' flicks this coming weekend y'all! The Family That Preys, The Women, and Righteous Kill all open on Friday. Can't wait!

Speaking of movies, is Laz Alonzo gonna be a breakout star after his performance in Spike Lee's Miracle at St. Anna? Looks like it to me.....

A.ndrea K.ramer, who was once a poster child for the plain janes has stepped up her fab game once again this season, while my girl P.am O.liver missed her weave chair appointment once again. Damn, I swear she's one of the baddest in the sideline reporting game, but she could use a glam squad (no hate). M.ichelle T.afoya is my girl too. All of them are incredible, actually.

Will eating fresh baked spinach and swiss croissants and having a glass of bubbly every Saturday morning contribute to the increase of my rumpshaker (by the way, that's a good thing for me)? If so, I'm on a roll, 'cuz it has become a weekend ritual. The cute, young, tender French boy who sells the croissants at the Farmer's Market doesn't help either......

So, my cousin and I give Game's CD top billing over Wayne's joint. Besides, I barely understand what Wayne is saying half the time.

This natural hair care is no joke, but DAMN my hair feels good! I'm always lovin' up on my scalp. LOL!

If you have never stepped before, find a class. There is a Steppin' community in most major cities these days. Chicago is sharing! You will love this dance.

Serena Will is that deal! Congrats on the Open victory and welcome back to the number one spot babygirl, you are overwhelmingly deserving.

......as for the opponent Jelena Joke-a-witch, get some tact about yourself. You used your first appearance at a Grand Slam event to make an absolute fool of yourself with your immature antics and poor sportsmanship, during AND after the match. For a minute I thought commentator Mary Carillo was gonna go upside your head with her microphone.

While I'm checking folks for their behavior, I would be completely remiss if I left out Serena's father's.....ummmmmm, lady friend. Her romp on the tennis court after the match was uncalled for and borderline embarrassing. You were not at the Rucker.

I stopped by theybf.com to check out pics from the VMA's red carpet and my question is this......"what's wrong with people?"

When are Squirrel's gonna pull their pants up? I DON"T WANT TO LOOK AT YOUR ASS!!!!

When are Squirrel's gonna take full rows of jewelry out of their mouths? Is that hygienic?

I love the new Swiffer commercials with the "baby come back" mariachi theme. Hilarious.

The gov-ment just took over Freddie and Fannie? Who's next? When will we rebound from all this shht? I feel sorry for our children.........they will look back in history and say we were irresponsible and spineless for allowing the current administration and the, "whichever way the wind blows" media bend us over at will.

Say-Rah Paid-lin is giving ONE damn interview?? Are you kidding me? We're really going for this? WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!! We need to be on her raggedy, lying tail like they were and still are on B. Rocka.

My Auntie Day, back home in The Chi, said she cooked some collard greens yesterday. Now, I want some. But, they take SO long to cook, properly.

F.OX News is scary. I repeat, F.OX News is scary.

I'm trying my hand at an indoor plant. I got an orchid. Cross your fingers.

Does any one watch A.rmy W.ives? Is it good? I need a new show.

What are you reading these days?

ARE YOU REGISTERED TO VOTE?

Maven

P.S. When I use period's within words, it is deliberate and serves a purpose. I'm not crazy. :)

Say Rah!

I've been avoiding the political talk. I just didn't want to put my two cents in, mainly because its a circus and I'm just plain tired of it all.

However........

The Red Party's version of the Bev Hillbillies is completely over the top. They've literally brought the Clampetts (oops, I meant the Pay-lins) all the way from the edge of the country, front and center to a Life of Washington.

I've always felt that the Bush son was a puppet for the machine, but this is just ridiculous; they've now gone and picked a woman to sit in as their new extreme right wing marionette.

Women, beware. Our overall credibility is at stake.

Sa.rah Pay-lin's delivery was great. She showed poise and confidence. But, did she really have a choice? She was coached to perfection by her puppeteers, which resulted in great reading of the speech written for her.

Never mind that her youngest child licked spit on her hand to smooth down her baby brother's (or nephew's) hair, then later used her index finger to pick his nose, "Pay" was at the podium laying wood to The Blue. Granted, there was no substance to the speech (family, blah blah, McSame, blah blah, war hero, blah blah, insults, blah blah) but her attack was deliberate, and scarily enough, could be defeating and successful if we aren't careful.

Basically, its showtime folks, and only the strong will survive. One of my boys seems to think that The Blue Party will surely curl up and die, or bend over, as I like to say, but I'm a contrarian, and I believe that The Blue is ready to rumble.

Has the Red Party spun another web of deception and lies? Of course! But what I will say is this, Red sticks together like glue. They know full and well that Say-Rah, their small town cheerleader, has the qualifications of a whore in church, but you will never hear them say it. Across party lines, they are in agreement that she is ready and fearless, a wonderful representation of what they stand for, just what the party needs! But, Blue has yet to learn this lesson. Blue takes two cars to the set, when one is clearly enough. Some of our self-proclaimed spokespersons, and oldskool squirrel's can't keep their pissy opinions and displeasure about O to themselves. Why does our divisiveness always have to be on front street?

Let me say this, words have power, and spoken from an ill-willed tongue, they can spell disaster. The Red Party will be speaking negatively about the The Blue from here on out, doing their darnedest to discredit and devalue the platform the O campaign has brilliantly and strategically built. I encourage you to speak truth to power. I caution you, not to relax.

In the weeks to come, the gravediggers of both Blue and Red will be working overtime to bury one another. Certainly, some things will surface that are sure to shake tail feathers and melt the pundits pancake makeup. So, anchor yourself. Be ready. Register someone to vote, donate to the campaign, make yourself useful.

By the way, tell me again, who is this woman?????

Maven

Whatever!

Tear ass!!!!!!

(translation: get out of here with that B.S.)

See The Justice of the Peace Instead

D Penn frequently gives examples of how and why Black stays losing. Well, here is some supporting evidence.

I enjoy my fair share of Reality TV. I won't go into detail about which shows I love, but I get down with the dysfunction of others on a regular basis. However, I will admit to watching B.ridezillas, faithfully. It is my guilty pleasure and this clip showcases my all time fave gutbucket, chittlin' circuit bride, Ms. Brandi. She is the epitome of what a cake top figurine should represent.......



Remember when I told you I was watching this over the weekend and LMAO! Now you know why. You MUST see it in its entirety. Check your listings!

Thanks to Cousin R Double L for the heads up!

Maven

The Tale of Sexy Potbelly

The great thing about a house party is you never know what to expect. Starting with the host can be a great litmus test, but that is not always a telltale sign of the vibe.

I attended a backyard get down this past weekend that I shall never forget as long as I live.

I was rolling with my girl Dan Belle (of course), who, by the way, now goes by "Big Ticket" (I'll get into that later). We were accompanied a friend, whom we will call Flight Wings, for the purpose of this story. I should note that the night began with a crew of five, but quickly dwindled down to three after some parental responsibilities took precedence for one and some CRAAAZZZY, Starsky and Hutch tire screeching, kidnapping, relationship drama took place for another (I swear I can't make this shht up).

Moving on, my com padres and I headed off on a small journey about an hour outside of LA. We arrived at the lovely home of one of Dan Belle's colleagues and that's when the madness began. Barring the absolutely INSANE comments made to Flight Wings about his personal involvement with Dan Belle by some folks he'd just met, the evening proved to be quite entertaining; a smorgasbord of blog fodder under the dark starry skies.

When we arrived, the hostess was on the mike singing along with MJB's "Just Fine". She really has a decent voice, so it was funny to see, but in a good way. We said our hello's and bum rushed the bartender, and basically sat right there for the rest of the night. There was food, so we smashed the buffet, then settled in for some people watching. Dan Belle was socializing with her folks, so that left Flight Wings and I to take in the fun that was happening on the dance floor.

While there was plenty of rumpshaking, droppin' it like its hot, and line dancing, the apple of my GTFOH eye, was a guy I dubbed, Sexy Potbelly. This cat was INCREDIBLE. Think, a broke down T. Howard, or Hustle and Flow's D Jay. Homie danced all night, and he had chicks lined up to dance with him, literally waiting for him to bend them over and simulate backshots to the beat of the music. He danced to every song, regardless of genre, like he was a male exotic dancer, with the hokey snake moves and all. I say this because, it wasn't appealing, at least not to me. He wore gray sweatpants and and a dingy wifebeater, and although he wasn't a big dude, he had a little potbelly and it was all too stank and funny.

I was tempted to go over and dance with him for the private amusement of myself, Dan Belle and Flight Wings, but I was afraid of what he might smell like, 'cuz like I said, he was dancing all night, and consistently sweaty, although that didn't seem to matter to the broads who STILL couldn't get enough. Well, Sexy Potbelly's shining moment came when he left the dance floor and headed to the buffet. This Squirrel opened two chafing dishes and went right in with his bare, nasty, sweaty, booty and crotch grabbing hands, and picked out a rib and a hot link and devoured them as if it were the last supper!!!!!! Flight Wings and I sat there in stunned silence for a spilt second before we erupted in laughter. It happened so fast, but it felt like slow motion. That's why I don't like to get down at a buffet, and had we seen that when we arrived, we would have never indulged. At the time, Dan Belle had just gotten a plate of veggies, so we opted not to tell her about the food dive until we left. To top it all off, Sexy Potbelly took his soft shoes right back to the dance floor, greasy bar-b-que hands and all and resumed his stripper boogie with a big girl.

Our next source of laughter came from a Huxtable sweater-wearing, toothless semi-old timer who came to the bar and asked for Gin and Juice......."Did he just say Gin and Juice"? (Crickets).... The answer to that question was a resounding yes, and the Squirrel was dead serious. He successfully put the icing on the cake with that request.

It was time to go.

So we left.

But I have a word of advice to you all. If you ever meet a friends love interest for the first time, DON'T take it upon yourself to divulge info about your friend and make comments that might be embarrassing or hurtful to the friend or their date. A woman, who by the way, told us that her people call her Aunt Juicy (seriously), told Flight Wings that she hoped he had some loot because Dan Belle was a Big Ticket. It was classless and egregious and she should have known better; the Itch gave GAW everywhere a bad name. I was through then, and I'm through now.

The Maven.

A Monday Mind

What goes through an opponents mind when they are staring at Venus or Serena or Venus and Serena (doubles matches) from across the net?

How do you know the difference between being in love with "the one" and being tested in preparation for "the one"?

Pets and children don't have bills. Can I return in my next life as one or the other?

Baseball season is really holding it down for me right now. The Windy City Series did not disappoint. Its a little strange living in a city far from the hometown and watching said hometown teams wallop on each other for six games. I wanted to be there. Go White Sox!

Football season is coming! That means my Fantasy League begins, Season 8!

I'm just gonna put it out there.........if for some reason I end up dating outside the race, and it becomes serious, and my future in-laws disapprove of my chocolate goodness, then I'm bailing on dude before things get out of hand. I love my life. How insane is it that a grown arse man would concieve of having his daughter-in-law, the mother of his granchild, ICED? Predjudice and racism is a muthaskunna. To my Indian brethren, your skin is brown. Get over it. Besides, black folks are that deal!

Sleep is underrated.

I can't say this enough. Ladies and Gentlemen, mani-pedi's are your friend.

Warning.....hold off on going to a new restaurant within its first few weeks of opening. They're still working out the kinks and you're probably gonna be irritated and turned off by the ambiance, food, and/or service. Trust me on this one. I've worked in a new retaurant and I've patronized them too. Good things come to those who wait.

Speaking of restaurants. As a hostes, why would you wear stripper shoes to work, knowing that you have to seat people all night? Hostess Girl, you were a great source of entertainment, as I was sure that you would eventually fall and bust your butt while tippin' across that slick floor.

Its probably a good idea to learn Spanish and/or Mandarin, and teach your children too.

How did we become so desensitized to human suffering?

I know its Monday, but hang in there!

The Maven

Sugar To Shht

Is there beauty in the uncertanties of life? If you view every experience, good or bad, as a lesson, then I suppose so. I am making concerted efforts to maintain this mindset.

Friday, my day began with a smile. Granted, its been hot enough here to fry some stank bologna on the ground, but I'm not complainin'; I just slap on some sunscreen (yes, Squirrels, we need to wear it too) and drink enough water to swim inside myself. Anyway, I was having a good day. My hormones were in check, so I wasn't my sometimes moody Capricorn self, and I was going about my day,productively. I was completing a project for a client at her place of business, when one of her employees received some upsetting news via cell phone. Apparently, there was disharmony in here household amongst her children, and the drama had this poor lady all twisted. There are moments when the Spirit urges you to witness, and this was definitely one of those times for me, so I asked her if she wanted to pray. She obliged, we embraced and I spoke to Jesus. Afterward, she let loose some of what she was feeling through tears and I too felt lighter, having shared in that moment with a stranger.

Fast forward to later in the day, and I get home to find a few things out of order in my own life. My how things change in the blink of an eye. Now it was my turn to worry and cry. I did what I had to do....I dropped to my knees and had a talk with The Father. I called my girl Dan Belle and vented to her as well, then I did my best to pull it together and continue on with my day. There were no instant solutions to my issues, but there were great lessons to be learned, and so I stand humbled.

Saturday, I got up and began the day with a smile, again. I did some work, then spent time with my friends (like twelve hours), eating and drinking, in the hot arse California sun. Fools gold, I'll call it, because Sunday morning, I was beat down! I spent the afternoon with my lil' cousins (see Who Moved My Chucky Cheese's), and we had a pretty chill day. They swam and I watched.

I relay all of this to say that the daily occurrences, the twists and turns, the Sugars and Shhts of life, are simply that. Hill Clint knows this firsthand. Seldom do we have great control over life, and its best to be faithful and kind, while doing the best you can do, when you can. Oh, and don't forget to smile!

The Maven

Bulls Eye

So, I'm talkin' to my homeboy Drewski, he's like a brother to me and our conversations are legendary. He plays in one of those "I'm Still Tryin' To Hold On To My Youth" basketball leagues. You know the kind where guys in their mid to late thirties and forties, sacrifice life and limb for a few hours of bragging rights and bravado. Apparently last night during one of these geriatric games, an opponent inadvertently gave him a gash over his eye while going for the ball.

As he recounted the mishap, and all its bloody mess, AND his subsequent dizziness, he initially had me thinking that his cornea had been scratched. Once upon a time, I suffered an eye injury, diagnosed as Hyphema, so I don't take things like this lightly. According to him, this injury required stitches. The cut was in the eyelid area; the cornea was unscathed. That was good for him, but he was still hurt.

At this point, our conversation went something like this:

Maven: "So, did you go to the Emergency room and get stitches?"

Drewski: "I should have, but nah. I took a shower at the gym and rinsed the cut good."

Maven: (Thinking to self, "Okaaaaaay")

Drewski: I put some peroxide on it when I got home. [Daughter] said "Daddy why is your eye red? Why are you bleeding?"

Maven: "What did wifey say?"

Drewski: She didn't say nothin', she's use to me getting hurt."

Our conversation then turned to the possibility of a Lakers - Boston Finals, before it eventually returned to the gash.

Maven: "So at what point are you gonna drive over to Emergency?"

Drewski: "I'm not going. What's the point? So I can sit there all night?" "It takes to long to go to the Emergency Room."

Maven: "So you're just gonna let it heal on it's own and risk a keloid, huh? That's how you do it."

Drewski: "Why you gotta go and jinx me like that?"

Maven: "No jinx. I'm just saying." "You would rather risk walking around for the rest of your life with a big ass scar, than spend a few hours to get stitches and make sure your injury isn't worse than what you think it is."

Drewski: "I'm damn near forty, what difference does it make? No one is going to be on me like that!"

Maven: "Squirrel! You're almost forty, not almost sixty!"

Drewski: "I'm not going."

Maven: "Oh, okay. So, you wanna walk around looking like Mitc.h Gree.n for a few days?" (Laughing)

Dreski: (With a chuckle) "Riiiight!!"

Maven: "You have officially earned yourself a blog post!"


At that point we pretty much got off the phone. I can't wait to see how this turns out, men are stubborn creatures. For this Drewski has earned a big fat "Squirrel Please! This is Toe Jam at its best.

Tears Of........

I am prone to crying. I'm an emotional beast. It seems that my tear ducts are always loaded and the slightest, most tender things set them off. I have three friends in particular who are equally as sensitive, they cry at the drop of a dime, just like Justine on Run's House. You broads know who you are so I won't put you on blast.

Continuing on, I get completely overwhelmed and misty when I see hummingbird's up close or a full, glowing moon. These two phenomena are the most delightful, beautiful and calming things I've ever laid my big brown eyes upon.

As I was growing up, I cried when I got picked on for being a bean pole.

I tear up when I think someone I love or care for is hurting or sad and obviously I can say the same for those times when I am pained or melancholy.

I cry often when I think of loved ones I've lost, especially my grandmothers. There is an inexplicable emptiness without them around.

Sometimes, I still let a tear drop when I remember Hurricane Katrina and how my people's bodies were floating around in that murky water.

I cry when I feel I've disappointed someone.

I cry when I've let myself down, like the time I dropped my cats off at the shelter.

I cry when I am in the midst of PMS.

I cry when I feel a Jones coming on behind some Squirrel I call myself liking.

I cry when I see stories of triumph and major accomplishment on t.v., or when I learn of something wonderful and charitable that has been done to help people in need.

My tears are never spared on some of my favorite flicks like Love Jones, Shakespeare In Love, The Color Purple, The Wiz, and Imitation of Life. I also cried the first time The Boondocks aired their Season One classic episodes, Return Of The King and The Passion Of Reverend Ruckus.

I still cry during A Different World, when in 1992, Dwayne Wayne wedding crashed and rose up to ask of Whitley, "will you?", as she stood at the altar to marry Byron. I have this episode saved on my Tivo.

I cried when Martin proposed to Gina.

I cry sometimes when I'm talking to the Lord.

Lately, I'm always choking back tears whenever I'm around kids. My maternal clock is wreaking havoc on me.

Now don't get me wrong, I certainly cry when I'm happy. Why, just tonight I shed a tear of joy because I finished the first phase of a goal I've set for myself.

Whenever my parents come to visit me, I get so excited once I get to the airport, that I cry then too.

I cried when my best friend recently obtained her PhD.

I cry during gut bucket laughter everytime I talk to my homegirl Clark-Crittle. She's the funniest person I know.

I cried at the weddings of two of my girls last summer and fall. They were both gorgeous brides.

Trust and believe that the tears will be joyfully and proudly flowing when Barack is finally our President.

I believe my tears are my fountain of youth; keeps my soul replenished; keeps me youthful and breathtakingly fine! LOL! (I'm serious)

I share all this with you so that you may feel liberated to cry or boo hoo with the ugly face, for whatever reasons move you. Really, it's ok. And, if you have any problems tapping into that part of your emotions, just imagine that I am weeping on your behalf, because as you can see, I am not a tear-phobe. I cry all the time! (Smile)

Have a WONDERFUL day!

The Maven

Who's Idea Was This?

Click here for Born Ready

I'm just sayin'........Episodes????

I find it difficult to give this a nod. I'd like to know who convinced this child and his Momma and Daddy to place themselves under such undue and premature scrutiny. If in fact, he "makes it", they will have all the solicited and unsolicited media attention they can bargain for.

This is a prime example of not having the right folks around, but I could be wrong. Hopefully there will be a shining beam of light when all is said and done.

We'll just wait a few years to see.

Sidenote: Somebody needs to get a hold of that GF. She's gonna need some polish.

A Monday Mind

Natural disasters have taken the lives of THOUSANDS of people in Myanmar and China's Sichuan province. Pray for our Asian brethren. Please recall how you felt when we watched our own folks helplessly suffering and dying in Louisiana and Mississippi in 2005. Though it may not seem the same...........it really is. Heartbreak and despair doesn't feel any different just because its on another continent.

Do worldly occurrences seem so bad because we have unlimited access to information and the media is now able to report from every little crack and crevice on the globe? Or, as my friend Stella wonders, are we approaching the return of Christ?

Historically black Morehouse College had its first White valedictorian this year. Some folks are trippin' and have there tightee whiteez all in a bunch. I say get the F over it, we're about to have our first Black president. Morons!

I'm a bit concerned about the future of our nation because our children aren't measuring up academically (especially in math and science) to some of our global counterparts. As adults, we are asleep at the wheel. You can continue to allow the gap between class and economic status widen if you want to........I'm just sayin'.

FYI, Best Buy has a product replacement plan, so the next time you shop there, ask about it. If I'd agreed to take it when I purchased my last camera, I'd be able to return this P.O.S. for another one. Note to self: get what you really want, the first go 'round!

The Celts eked out a win against Bron Bron and his boyz, now they have to go toe to toe with C Billz and the D Trois crew. As much as I'd like to see Jesus Shuttlesworth, The Big Ticket and The Truth get a chance to get smacked by The Lake Show, I say.........good luck against the Pistons. You're gonna need it.

Speaking of the Lakers, who will they play? The Hornets or the Spurs? Personally, I would prefer to see them play the youngsters of N.O., but tonight we'll get our answer. Plus, we also get to laugh with Ernie, Kenny and Charles. Halftime at its
best.

Back to the subject of LB James.......Yo, Cleveland! Get that boy some help! We Capricorns are dynamic and phenomenal human beings, but even the most genius among us need a lil' assistance at times.

Barack and the fam were in Oregon yesterday. Did you see that sea of folks that came out to support them? I'll be damned if I didn't wish to be a documentarian or photo journalist right about now. Can you imagine what it would be like to follow him around on this journey?

Speaking of the Senator, I am collecting his magazine covers for my future babies. They deserve to share in these historical moments as best as possible.

Also, Sean Damn-ity on Fo.x News needs to back up off Michelle Obama. He has seen no wrath like that of millions of black women coming down on his candy ass if he doesn't raise up.

Dear Man and Woman of My Image, here is another ridiculous example of the undervaluing of your chocolate life.

It's Monday y'all. Be easy.

The Maven

We Now Break for an Important Message from our Supermodel

Pure comedy from Andy Borowitz at Huffington Post!

A Piece of Peace

Tranquility seems to elude me as of late. There just seems to be SO MUCH NOISE and I'm not referring to traffic . The idiot box is wearing me thin! The mainstream media is acting like the mob an I feel as though I need to enter into protective custody. Between the reports of ensuing famine and world hunger, rising fuel prices, an increase in crime, a looming recession, and the tomfoolery that is our political process, I can't seem to concentrate. No wonder reality t.v. is doing so well. It numbs your sensibilities.

Anyway, my once certain understanding of societal issues, has now evolved into an amalgamation of anger, confusion, disbelief, doubt and indifference.

For instance, why is the life of My Man (future post) consistently challenged and devalued from inside and outside forces? He might not be important to some, but he damn sure means the world to Me. Rest peacefully, Sean Bell et al.....

Moving on, why is it that my Press-and-dent can lie, steal, cheat and stumble over simple English words for eight years with little or no resistance from the citizens, pundits or political representatives of our fair land, but My Pastor can't speak truth to power without being labeled a tyrant (I told y'all about fear)? Let the record show that I'm all for freedom of speech and opinion, but some people's criticism and ire, I think, is ill-placed.

What would The Elders say? Should we be taking to the F'n streets in new-aged revolt against our current government for the way they have been carrying us?! And by "us" I mean ALL of us, everydamnbody, regardless of race, gender, education or socio-economic status. They have treated us like a two-dollar whore (think stimulus checks). Remember and know this.... beeEss trickles down and we are all eventually affected in someway by the disrespect, deception, suffering, slighting, mistreatment and/or underserving of another human being.

Don't wait on Uncouth to come and ring your Cushy doorbell. Like Huey of The Boondocks so eloquently stated when a crazy Midwestern February day turned from 90 degrees to freezing within hours, "maybe the heat does make people crazy......before you know it, crazy becomes normal.....but, sanity eventually returns, and when it does, you better have your coat."

When you have time of course, I would be remiss if I didn't share the entire episode with you for your full understanding. It is well worth viewing here.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to catch Sportscenter. I'll choose ball banter, stats and highlights over depressing news any day.

Go J, Go Hawks!

Pied Piper Pees On Us Again

R. Kelly - Hairbraider [Official Music Video]
by deejoe

Thanks for another hood nursery rhyme, Kellz. Just when I thought we were moving away from dudes wearing braids, you come with this bullshhhht.

The Monday Mind

What would my life be without a game or match to watch? Long live sports! Go Serena! Go Memphis! I didn't have Memphis going this far in my brackets, but the youngin', D. Rose, from The Crib (that's Chicago) has made me a believer.
Go Lakers! Go White Sox! Will someone please resuscitate The Bulls?

I attended the Lakers-Mavericks game Friday night. Staples Center was rockin'! Lamar Odom is my favorite Laker. He showed up for his team when Dallas had the clamps on KB24. That Dirk had his shot fallin' like raindrops. I didn't understand some of P. Jax's substitutions, but it worked, and it was a good game. There's something about that Zen philosophy....

Why do I impose a bedtime for myself, then F it off by watching the idiot box until my eyes burn. I just can't seem to go to sleep without having watched The Jeffersons.

Family is a blessing. I spent Saturday evening with my baby brother, Sam-U-El. He's been here visiting for a few days, tearing LA up with his homeboys and Cousin Pat. It was great to see them, they've grown into great men. We rolled through Roscoe's and ate ourselves into oblivion. I spent the early part of Sunday with my LA fam, for a christening. Baby Malia slept through most of the ceremony, but she was cute as a button!

Friends are a blessing. I spent the latter part of Sunday with my girl Dan Belle and her daughter, whom I affectionately call "Pippi". I won't tell her mama that Pip is plotting to find her a husband. She whispered this to me, so I'm sworn to secrecy. I thought it was adorable.

I've grown terribly weary of the Clinton campaign. Yes, my side-eye has now turned into a full, eye-rollin', stank azz stare down. On some token, I admire her for not giving up the fight, but I wonder how much more of her truth-stretching, arid humor, and pseudo pulpit swagger must be endured. Damn The Dems! We need a resolution!

Obama '08

The sister from NYC was voted off Oprah's Big Give. I'm sorry Babygirl, but it was time. I'd also grown tired of you looking like a broke down Whitney, each time you opened your mouth to sing. You're a beast about your biz though, polish it off and you can murda the game. Best Wishes.

I miss my Grandmothers.

It's time for me to get my braids redone. Anyone up for a take down party? I make great drinks!

Gas prices aren't gonna go down, are they?

My week is looking busy and bright. Hallelujah!

Fellas, never discount the value of a good edge or lining!

Ladies, trust me, pedicures are your best friend. Get yours today!


The Maven

Will The Real Ruckus Please Stand Up

Ahem....Ahem.....Calling all Drop Squad members!!!!!

The Squirrel below has officially lost his mind!



He is frightenly similar to my truly favorite, animated embodiment of pure, blissful ignorance.......The Boondocks very own, Uncle Ruckus.....



Swing low, sweet chariot.........

On Fear and Living

Good Morning America is my morning show of choice, I wake up to it daily. One of the featured segments today, was an in studio interview with Demi Moore. She spoke about her family and her new movie "Flawless" with Michael Cain. At the end of the interview, Diane asked her what her biggest flaw was. Demi's response stopped me in my tracks. According to her, her biggest flaw is "how much I can allow fear to dictate in my life." "Still?” Diane asked. Demi answered, "Yeah, because, it’s truly I think, a constant overcoming".

I relate to her feelings about fear on so many levels. It has proven to be a great hindrance in my life. I can only imagine where I might be in my journey were it not for fear. Fear of what, you ask? Well, I'm still working that one out. However, I recognize that I am the obstacle that stands in my way. It’s been said that admission and acceptance is half the battle.

So begins my fight.

Am I afraid of success? Am I afraid of true love? Am I afraid of not being "good enough"? Am I afraid of rejection? Failure? Losing? These are questions that I've been posing to myself and the answers, my friends, are not pretty. Certainly, we all have our own insecurities, but they are not always crippling, like say for instance, my fear of water. You see, I cannot swim. The Lady enrolled me in swim class as a child and the instructor (for lack of a better term) insisted that I travel to the bottom of the pool to retrieve a set of keys he purposely dropped. I remember that day vividly. I stood there shaking and trembling, teeth chattering, looking up into the stands for The Lady, hoping she would rush down and spare me the humiliation. It didn't happen that way, of course and as a matter of fact, I think that all parents were restricted from the pool area during class; they could only watch from the bleachers. There are times when your parents have to let you take your lumps. So, I had to take my turn. With timidity and FEAR, I went under the water to get those damn keys. Panic ensued and water was in my mouth and nose, I was flailing and crying and terrified. I could tell the instructor was annoyed, but class continued and I sat poolside, sniffling, whimpering, and wrapped in my towel, until it was over. After class, The Lady came down and got me, and promised me that I didn't have to return. I suppose this is part of the reason why I get testy and standoffish when people push me to do things I don't want to do.

Last summer, at my friend Jenny's house, we were enjoying a lovely summer day, bar-b-queing and having a great time. I got in the pool, on the shallow end, to play with the kids and "take some lessons" from them. Another adult offered to give me a few pointers and I trust him so I followed his lead. Everything was fine until a guest of the party, a stranger to me, decided to come down and grab me to drag me to the deep end. Not a good look. I became that little girl again. I was terrified, only this time I also became enraged and I had my hand around his neck with the intent to crush his windpipe. With my free hand I was swinging at him and begging him to let me go. Finally, I screamed and my girl Dan Belle jumped in to save me, and as they lifted me out of the pool, I was cryin' and cussin'. Our friend Alex had to tell the dude that I could not swim, and he tried to apologize, but it was too late. I was hearing none of that.

In my adult life, I see this fear of "drowning" manifest itself in so many ways. Some days I am fierce and determined, even brave. Those who are closest to me will be the first to say that I am courageous and bold. They use my move to LA as an example. It took a lot of guts to pack up my things and move here with no plan. Looking back, it was not a bright idea, but it worked, and is one of my proudest accomplishments. It essentially removed me from my comfort zone and forced me to be great. Prior to moving here I had an idea of how I wanted things to be, it was a fairytale of sorts, but in so many ways it actually happened. I got the right job, met the right people, had the support of my cousins, made a few friends, and from there everything took off. Six years later, I'm still here. Like Derek Luke's character says in Antwone Fisher, "I'm still standing, I'm still strong." But some days, I have doubts.

I don't want fear to rule nor ruin my life. I can point to a few things that have already suffered because of it. I was once a model, I can still crush a runway, but I was afraid to leave the states and go overseas, where I might have fared a lot better. I once hosted and produced my own sports show for local cable access in Chicago. The show was popular, and I was very good at it. I had plans to attend broadcasting school and become the first black female sports anchor in the city. Ask me what happened..........fear happened. Who knows, I might be like Pam Oliver, Lisa Salters or Suzy Kolber right now, holding it down on set or on the sidelines.

Two friends, both very special to me, have addressed this issue with me on separate occasions. They said things to me that I carry with me on a daily basis. One said, Maven, “fear is not an emotion that comes from God. Don’t give it energy” and the other shared with me a quote I believe he learned while pledging (Omega), it says “Fear is a mind-killer. It's a tiny little evil that envelops me from the inside out. I must face it and learn to control it”. Both of these guys are strong in my mind, they each have incredible stories for which I admire and celebrate them.

I think about my late Grandmothers when I am afraid or down on myself. They lived long, colorful lives, battled their own demons, and came out triumphant in the end. I think about other people who have touched my life, but since passed away, and I know they are looking down on me, always wishing for my success and well-being. I think about my parents, The Lady and Papa, who sacrifice for me, encourage me, and are my biggest cheerleaders, and although my father cautions me not to compare myself to others or measure my successes and failures by that of others, I can’t help but think about my best friends and their journeys and accomplishments; they make me so proud.

If you are out there doing “the damn thing”, I say keep doing it. You never know who is watching you or looking to you for inspiration.

As for me, I plan to learn to swim this summer. I consider it my first step toward overcoming my fears. And maybe while I'm taking my adult lessons, some child who is also learning, but is afraid will see me and it will become ok for them. I’ll keep you posted.

The Maven

A Monday Mind

I woke up this morning and the sun is shining brightly. Praise God!

I hope you enjoyed Easter!

Mondays are rough, but I have a list of things to accomplish and I'm fired up.

I have a Magic Bullet blender and in it I make my morning fruit smoothie. The Magic Bullet is amazing.

CNN reports that Kwame KP has been indicted along with his jumpoff.

CNN also reports that our casualties of war have reached the 4000 mark. I'm still asking, why?

Friday night, I went Steppin'. As usual, the instruction was good, and I had a nice time. My feet were cussin' me, steppin' ladies love to wear cute and sexy heels, it adds to your swagger when you're dancing. Luckily, I had a pair of flats for emergency purposes, and they came in quite handy.

Saturday, I planted Verbena, Alyssum, and some sort of Daisy. The Jasmine and Gardenia are making me anxious. I planted them in November and I am ready for their aromatic bloom. They're still alive so I must be doing something right. Everything else in my lil' garden is hangin' tough. I am happy that my Begonia are coming back. The Lady (Mom) is proud of me. I don't think in her wildest dreams, she could have ever imagined that I would take up gardening.

I also had a nice afternoon with a cousin that I don't see very often. He is planning to attend film school here. He lives back home in Chicago, and we have a substantial age difference (I'm older). We had a nice time. We went for sushi and I think thats the first time we've had an adult conversation.

I found out that my immediate neighbor is moving. This is a bummer because I adore her. She's a lil' old lady who is quiet as a church mouse. Never underestimate the value of a good neighbor. She will be sorely missed.

For me, March Madness has become March Sadness, as my bracket has self-imploded.

Sunday it was 87 degrees. BEAUTIFUL!

I also went to the hospital Sunday to visit one of my tenants. He was groggy and grumpy and basically told me to tear ass. I guess if I were ninety-one and had no family that cared enough to tend to my well-being, I'd be pissed too! That situation makes me sad.

I cooked a really nice Easter dinner. It was delicious. I am getting better at this. I might become a "kitchen bit.ch" one day, after all.

I watched two Trinity Easter services Sunday, live online broadcast. Food for my soul.

The Best Man was on network TV last night. Network TV knows how to screw up a great movie with editing and commercials. Good thing I own the DVD. Terrance Howard is a jewel in this flick!

I'm done. Gotta get back to my grind.

The Maven

Gas Is On Blast

Wanna know what's going on in my neighborhood?

I'm getting my thumbs ready.

Happy Saint Patty's Day.