The battle between being SELFLESS and SELFISH rages within me and increasingly, I want selfish to emerge as the victor.
By nature, I am a loner. I was born and raised as an only child. Some of my most peaceful and joyous moments are spent within the comforts and confines of my own home or car, or mind. Solitude creates safety.
By nature, I am a giver. I will do for others, and give of my heart and talents, tirelessly, making certain that the needs and requests of others are met with thoroughness and extra special care. Giving creates vulnerability.
Therein lies the conflict.
I am a firm believer that you should not give to others, in any sense, emotionally, physically, intellectually, or monetarily, with the notion that the gesture should/will be reciprocated. You give because its what you want to do. Expectations of happy returns breed disappointment and in some cases, resentment.
Give freely, but wisely.
What I know now, is that it's not wise for me to proceed without boundaries, ALL THE TIME. When people want/need something from you, you have the power to dictate what happens next. When people want/need to project their "stuff" on you, you have the power to accept or reject.
Protect your goodness and your spirit, but don't change. Adjust.
As my internal struggle plays itself out, my hope is that I master the fine line between giving to others and giving to myself, with consideration for self as my guiding force.
Personal decree: After God, I am first.
That is all.
Happy New Year
Happy New YOU
-Maven aka Lois
Showing posts with label Know Thyself. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Know Thyself. Show all posts
1.12.2010
3.12.2009
I'm A B
Recently, I saw a photo of a friend of a friend who was, how should I say this........packin' in her brazier. While her size was amazingly unlike anything I've EVER seen, I must admit I felt a bit envious of "freedom" and obvious confidence in the cards she was dealt.
So I happily declare......I am a B, and dammit, I like 'em! LOL!
Women and men both suffer greatly from image issues, but I am gonna deal with the ladies on this one. Fellas, I'll get at you in a separate post.
As a child and into adolescence, I was teased a great deal for being skinny. In some ways those opinions have never left me, and it manifests itself in my obsession with having a delicious boo-tay. If I had rump like Meagan Goode, Kelly Rowland or Michelle Williams (I chose them because they're tiny), then I would be batting one hundred.
The sad part in all of this, is if I surveyed ten of my friends, all would have one or two things about their bodies, face or hair, that they deemed imperfect.
There is no need to ask how we get to this point. There are endless factors that play a role, but the solution lies within! Embrace yourselves. Embrace it all; the tall, short, skinny, and plump. Claim the soft tresses, ,the weave, the tight coils, the bone straight, the kinks, the natural, the relaxed, and the short and long of it all. Celebrate the curves or the lack thereof. Love your A, B, C, D and double cups; your full or thin lips; your broad or keen nose. Have a big forehead, big feet or a chicken neck? Whatever it is, its all good, because its you!
Also, make it a point to love your sisters, regardless of race or age. We need each others approval and moral support! We must become and remain confident and strong so we're able to pass this stellar self esteem along to our lil' mamas!
Peace and Blessings,
The Maven
So I happily declare......I am a B, and dammit, I like 'em! LOL!
Women and men both suffer greatly from image issues, but I am gonna deal with the ladies on this one. Fellas, I'll get at you in a separate post.
As a child and into adolescence, I was teased a great deal for being skinny. In some ways those opinions have never left me, and it manifests itself in my obsession with having a delicious boo-tay. If I had rump like Meagan Goode, Kelly Rowland or Michelle Williams (I chose them because they're tiny), then I would be batting one hundred.
The sad part in all of this, is if I surveyed ten of my friends, all would have one or two things about their bodies, face or hair, that they deemed imperfect.
There is no need to ask how we get to this point. There are endless factors that play a role, but the solution lies within! Embrace yourselves. Embrace it all; the tall, short, skinny, and plump. Claim the soft tresses, ,the weave, the tight coils, the bone straight, the kinks, the natural, the relaxed, and the short and long of it all. Celebrate the curves or the lack thereof. Love your A, B, C, D and double cups; your full or thin lips; your broad or keen nose. Have a big forehead, big feet or a chicken neck? Whatever it is, its all good, because its you!
Also, make it a point to love your sisters, regardless of race or age. We need each others approval and moral support! We must become and remain confident and strong so we're able to pass this stellar self esteem along to our lil' mamas!
Peace and Blessings,
The Maven
3.05.2009
I Need the Game
When I began this blog, I envisioned it as a place where my spirit could breath and my mind could be free. I just knew it would be a great place for me to hone my writing skills and communicate with my core group of family and friends as well as the masses. I believe in some ways I succeeded, but feel as though I failed also. It has forced me to look DEEP (think James Earl Jones when you read) within.
As failure is often in the beholders eye, for the sake of not coming down on myself too hard, I will deem these self-perceptions as missteps. 2008 was a hell of a drug. The "F" your couch type. I was the couch and D.ave C.happelle's feet represented almighty life itself.
I do realize that I wasn't alone, but I am only speaking for self right now when I say, thank God for times past! I received a comeuppance of sorts in '08, especially towards the end. When they say, "you don't miss the water 'til your well runs dry", I believe they forgot to address it directly toward me. Suffice to say, I made it through and my gratitude overflows to those who helped me mentally, spiritually and financially; I definitely have some angelic and loving people amongst my intimates right now. But, its time for me to get back on the right track, back on the "right side of life" as I like to say (smiles to mom, The Lady).
Yes, I have a "good payin' job" (sarcasm). But, I miss the those things that I'd been living to do, the "do what you love and the money will follow" types of moves. Those closest to me understand where my passions lie. While I've always felt that the game needs me, I now completely understand, that I also need the game. Without it, I am not motivated, I feel dejected at times, out of sorts with myself and my surroundings and just downright powerless. Granted, the game wore me down at times, broke my spirit, but looking back, it wasn't so bad and had I truly focused and adjusted my plan as needed.......BINGO!
I try not to cry over spilled soy milk, so I'm taking these lessons and preparing to apply them once again to my game, THE game.
I've been pondering the idea of one doing what one loves, for a few weeks now. I've asked friends, like my boys at B2G Sports, as well as complete strangers, if they are doing what they love and would they have it any other way. The answers have come with a resounding yes from most, and I use that as wind beneath my wings, because seeing is believing and I have great examples and I know its true. I've also been reading the blogs of others, like , twentyeight30, Dallas Penn and my man FreeMan Press, who is enlightening in a very in your face kind of way. Check him out, he is not playing in these streets!
Today, I read a quote that said something to the effect of, "if you are not doing what you love, you are wasting your time." So, I remind myself constantly, that is the reinforcement I must give myself. I gotta get back to all that I know and love, and that includes my sports, my literature (I'm gunnin' for the latest J. California Cooper book), my gardening and especially my writing.
I hope you come back with me, because if you missed me a little, I missed you tenfold!
The Maven
As failure is often in the beholders eye, for the sake of not coming down on myself too hard, I will deem these self-perceptions as missteps. 2008 was a hell of a drug. The "F" your couch type. I was the couch and D.ave C.happelle's feet represented almighty life itself.
I do realize that I wasn't alone, but I am only speaking for self right now when I say, thank God for times past! I received a comeuppance of sorts in '08, especially towards the end. When they say, "you don't miss the water 'til your well runs dry", I believe they forgot to address it directly toward me. Suffice to say, I made it through and my gratitude overflows to those who helped me mentally, spiritually and financially; I definitely have some angelic and loving people amongst my intimates right now. But, its time for me to get back on the right track, back on the "right side of life" as I like to say (smiles to mom, The Lady).
Yes, I have a "good payin' job" (sarcasm). But, I miss the those things that I'd been living to do, the "do what you love and the money will follow" types of moves. Those closest to me understand where my passions lie. While I've always felt that the game needs me, I now completely understand, that I also need the game. Without it, I am not motivated, I feel dejected at times, out of sorts with myself and my surroundings and just downright powerless. Granted, the game wore me down at times, broke my spirit, but looking back, it wasn't so bad and had I truly focused and adjusted my plan as needed.......BINGO!
I try not to cry over spilled soy milk, so I'm taking these lessons and preparing to apply them once again to my game, THE game.
I've been pondering the idea of one doing what one loves, for a few weeks now. I've asked friends, like my boys at B2G Sports, as well as complete strangers, if they are doing what they love and would they have it any other way. The answers have come with a resounding yes from most, and I use that as wind beneath my wings, because seeing is believing and I have great examples and I know its true. I've also been reading the blogs of others, like , twentyeight30, Dallas Penn and my man FreeMan Press, who is enlightening in a very in your face kind of way. Check him out, he is not playing in these streets!
Today, I read a quote that said something to the effect of, "if you are not doing what you love, you are wasting your time." So, I remind myself constantly, that is the reinforcement I must give myself. I gotta get back to all that I know and love, and that includes my sports, my literature (I'm gunnin' for the latest J. California Cooper book), my gardening and especially my writing.
I hope you come back with me, because if you missed me a little, I missed you tenfold!
The Maven
11.26.2008
Give Thanks '08
Loved Ones,
Happy Thanksgiving!
Yes, it is that time again, time for my annual message of gratitude and appreciation. This year has presented many highs and lows, in my life and in some of yours, as well. Personally, I am experiencing a metamorphosis of sorts, and it has affected me in ways that I cannot quite explain. However, I will say, that I am meeting a new "me", and reacquainting myself with aspects of myself, I feared I had lost. For this, I say hallelujah!
Last year, I encouraged you to create a list of things you wanted to accomplish for 2008. Two-thousand eight is on its way out of here, so how did you do? I was supposed to learn to swim, in order to conquer fears that grip me when its time to take a next big step in life. Those lessons did not happen, so it will be carried over to my ’09 list. The reasons are not so important, so long as I have not given up the desire to learn. I shall swim! I have begun to face my fears in other ways though, and it’s a process but I see the good in it. It frees me up to maximize my potential and share my gifts.
The Creator will allow us to remain in spaces that are difficult and challenging, and sometimes dark, until we learn the lesson(s) for which he has presented the situation in the first place. If you ever wonder why certain things keep happening to you, look within first. It is our nature, to be hardheaded and stubborn at times, and usually, we stand in our own way. This is "blocking your blessings" and if you take a moment, and look within, you are sure to recall times when you have done this to yourself. I say, please stop. We’d be best served, I believe, to name it, claim it, and then move out the way. I'm done lecturing. :)
I am thankful this day, for my family and friends, near and far. I’ve reconnected with some childhood friends and that has been a highlight for me. Today, my parents are in Chicago, as are my Aunt Day Day, my uncles, my brother, and a host of cousins and life long friends. My Auntie Lil' Mama is in Nashville along with my cousin Bertie and other cousins. I will be spending the day with my L.A. family, and for them, I am SO grateful. They, along with my LA friends, offer a sense of belonging and normalcy.
What I love most about Thanksgiving is that it is a reminder that you are never alone. It is a chance to come together with people you like and love to relax and be comforted. We eat ourselves into oblivion and return home with a smile. It is a time to put your troubles aside and celebrate the goodness of life (and watch some games.)
Although we are living in uncertain and stressful times due to the economy, and what seems like a never-ending war, I encourage you to remain faithful, knowing that this too shall pass. We must come together, and support one another in any and all ways possible. No longer can we afford to live in our own cushy bubbles, as if the world outside, around us, is inconsequential. You see where that has gotten us.
I give endless thanks that I was here to witness the election of our first black president. I know I have not spoken much about it, and there aren't too many things that render me speechless, but this is one of them. I must admit, I am STILL soaking it in. It's a proud moment in our history and for our country, and I can't wait to take this journey with the Obama family! I could not ask for a more shining example of manhood, womanhood and family.
As always, I am honored to know you, and blessed by your presence in my life!
With Endless Love,
RSY aka The Maven
Happy Thanksgiving!
Yes, it is that time again, time for my annual message of gratitude and appreciation. This year has presented many highs and lows, in my life and in some of yours, as well. Personally, I am experiencing a metamorphosis of sorts, and it has affected me in ways that I cannot quite explain. However, I will say, that I am meeting a new "me", and reacquainting myself with aspects of myself, I feared I had lost. For this, I say hallelujah!
Last year, I encouraged you to create a list of things you wanted to accomplish for 2008. Two-thousand eight is on its way out of here, so how did you do? I was supposed to learn to swim, in order to conquer fears that grip me when its time to take a next big step in life. Those lessons did not happen, so it will be carried over to my ’09 list. The reasons are not so important, so long as I have not given up the desire to learn. I shall swim! I have begun to face my fears in other ways though, and it’s a process but I see the good in it. It frees me up to maximize my potential and share my gifts.
The Creator will allow us to remain in spaces that are difficult and challenging, and sometimes dark, until we learn the lesson(s) for which he has presented the situation in the first place. If you ever wonder why certain things keep happening to you, look within first. It is our nature, to be hardheaded and stubborn at times, and usually, we stand in our own way. This is "blocking your blessings" and if you take a moment, and look within, you are sure to recall times when you have done this to yourself. I say, please stop. We’d be best served, I believe, to name it, claim it, and then move out the way. I'm done lecturing. :)
I am thankful this day, for my family and friends, near and far. I’ve reconnected with some childhood friends and that has been a highlight for me. Today, my parents are in Chicago, as are my Aunt Day Day, my uncles, my brother, and a host of cousins and life long friends. My Auntie Lil' Mama is in Nashville along with my cousin Bertie and other cousins. I will be spending the day with my L.A. family, and for them, I am SO grateful. They, along with my LA friends, offer a sense of belonging and normalcy.
What I love most about Thanksgiving is that it is a reminder that you are never alone. It is a chance to come together with people you like and love to relax and be comforted. We eat ourselves into oblivion and return home with a smile. It is a time to put your troubles aside and celebrate the goodness of life (and watch some games.)
Although we are living in uncertain and stressful times due to the economy, and what seems like a never-ending war, I encourage you to remain faithful, knowing that this too shall pass. We must come together, and support one another in any and all ways possible. No longer can we afford to live in our own cushy bubbles, as if the world outside, around us, is inconsequential. You see where that has gotten us.
I give endless thanks that I was here to witness the election of our first black president. I know I have not spoken much about it, and there aren't too many things that render me speechless, but this is one of them. I must admit, I am STILL soaking it in. It's a proud moment in our history and for our country, and I can't wait to take this journey with the Obama family! I could not ask for a more shining example of manhood, womanhood and family.
As always, I am honored to know you, and blessed by your presence in my life!
With Endless Love,
RSY aka The Maven
11.12.2008
Drop It
In the last moments of my dream this morning, before I awoke, I found myself driving along, when suddenly, my car stopped. No warning, no jerking, no smoke, no noise.
It just stopped.
I got out and began to push it towards a service station, and as you know, dreams can be weird, so as I began to push and guide the car, grocery cart handles appeared on the trunk. Go figure. Anyway, I got the car to the shoulder of the road, which by the way, was very reminiscent of Lake Shore Drive in Chicago, and there was the gas station........at the top of a hill! So I pushed and pushed, and the car, having a mind of its own, would occasionally, get turned around. I was maneuvering the car by the grocery cart handles (imagine a cart with tricky wheels) and it was turning in all sorts of directions, so at times I was pulling it up the hill. There was a man standing at the top, filling his car with gas, and he looked like he wanted to help, but he was hesitant. Nonetheless, I kept at it, I had to get my car some service. I had places to go.
I finally made it to the top, the service department was closed, and as I was standing there trying to decide my next move, the car rolled back down the hill! I stood there, jumping up and down, yelling, for someone at the bottom to catch it! But it rolled off of, what seemed like a ledge, and crashed. I ran down to the bottom, and there lay a smashed piece of metal, almost compacted. I picked it up in my hand and cried.
I am relaying this to say "let it go".
This is what my dream told me. It told me to let it all go. We can push and pull and prod and sometimes we still lose, but after more reflection, in that loss, there is the victory. Be still! These are trying times for many people and if its not you, its very likely someone you know. Of course, "trouble don't last always" and if you think back, I'm certain there is a time in your life where you felt you wouldn't make it through, but somehow, by His grace, you did.
Listen, we cannot solve every problem or be all things to all people. Sometimes, we can't be everything, even to ourselves. Just take things day by day. Wake up and count your blessings. Choose one thing to be happy about, or ten if you've got it like that. But, by all means, choose to be HAPPY. Choose to smile. Choose to laugh. Choose to help someone else; be an angel in disguise. Choose to accomplish something new, TODAY!
Its all good for the soul.
I love you.
The Maven
It just stopped.
I got out and began to push it towards a service station, and as you know, dreams can be weird, so as I began to push and guide the car, grocery cart handles appeared on the trunk. Go figure. Anyway, I got the car to the shoulder of the road, which by the way, was very reminiscent of Lake Shore Drive in Chicago, and there was the gas station........at the top of a hill! So I pushed and pushed, and the car, having a mind of its own, would occasionally, get turned around. I was maneuvering the car by the grocery cart handles (imagine a cart with tricky wheels) and it was turning in all sorts of directions, so at times I was pulling it up the hill. There was a man standing at the top, filling his car with gas, and he looked like he wanted to help, but he was hesitant. Nonetheless, I kept at it, I had to get my car some service. I had places to go.
I finally made it to the top, the service department was closed, and as I was standing there trying to decide my next move, the car rolled back down the hill! I stood there, jumping up and down, yelling, for someone at the bottom to catch it! But it rolled off of, what seemed like a ledge, and crashed. I ran down to the bottom, and there lay a smashed piece of metal, almost compacted. I picked it up in my hand and cried.
I am relaying this to say "let it go".
This is what my dream told me. It told me to let it all go. We can push and pull and prod and sometimes we still lose, but after more reflection, in that loss, there is the victory. Be still! These are trying times for many people and if its not you, its very likely someone you know. Of course, "trouble don't last always" and if you think back, I'm certain there is a time in your life where you felt you wouldn't make it through, but somehow, by His grace, you did.
Listen, we cannot solve every problem or be all things to all people. Sometimes, we can't be everything, even to ourselves. Just take things day by day. Wake up and count your blessings. Choose one thing to be happy about, or ten if you've got it like that. But, by all means, choose to be HAPPY. Choose to smile. Choose to laugh. Choose to help someone else; be an angel in disguise. Choose to accomplish something new, TODAY!
Its all good for the soul.
I love you.
The Maven
9.22.2008
8.26.2008
Michelle, My Belle
Since I was a little girl, I've always been engaged by and excited for "our" moments to shine. Black folks being on TV was once a really big deal.
While some things may never alter, and the "struggle" may take much longer to end, my people have come a long way and hurdled some difficult obstacles. Our bar is always being raised and last night was no exception.
Watching Michelle Obama last night, present herself and her family to the world, brought chills to my spine and tears to my eyes (of course). These are moments that I never imagined I'd see. Witnessing the landslide election of a Black mayor in Chicago (R.I.P. Harold Washington) was one thing, but this right here.......there are no words!
Seeing this regal, beautiful, and smashingly intelligent woman, a Black woman, stand before that crowd and affirm her humanness, her pride, motherhood, and the love she has for her MAN, was obviously overdue, and right on time.
Women tend to take issue with one another for various ridiculous reasons, in addition to the sexism we face daily, but in that crowd, there were many misty and teary eyes, because Michelle touched the core of family and womanhood. I wish we could connect more on those most basic levels. The world would be a calmer place.
I'm not going to speak for all of my folks, because we are not a monolith. But, last night was a proud and unforgettable moment for me. It would have been better, only if I were there in person.
The Obama's are my First Family. Put that in your hater pipe and smoke it.
Maven
While some things may never alter, and the "struggle" may take much longer to end, my people have come a long way and hurdled some difficult obstacles. Our bar is always being raised and last night was no exception.
Watching Michelle Obama last night, present herself and her family to the world, brought chills to my spine and tears to my eyes (of course). These are moments that I never imagined I'd see. Witnessing the landslide election of a Black mayor in Chicago (R.I.P. Harold Washington) was one thing, but this right here.......there are no words!
Seeing this regal, beautiful, and smashingly intelligent woman, a Black woman, stand before that crowd and affirm her humanness, her pride, motherhood, and the love she has for her MAN, was obviously overdue, and right on time.
Women tend to take issue with one another for various ridiculous reasons, in addition to the sexism we face daily, but in that crowd, there were many misty and teary eyes, because Michelle touched the core of family and womanhood. I wish we could connect more on those most basic levels. The world would be a calmer place.
I'm not going to speak for all of my folks, because we are not a monolith. But, last night was a proud and unforgettable moment for me. It would have been better, only if I were there in person.
The Obama's are my First Family. Put that in your hater pipe and smoke it.
Maven
7.15.2008
6.22.2008
Sugar To Shht
Is there beauty in the uncertanties of life? If you view every experience, good or bad, as a lesson, then I suppose so. I am making concerted efforts to maintain this mindset.
Friday, my day began with a smile. Granted, its been hot enough here to fry some stank bologna on the ground, but I'm not complainin'; I just slap on some sunscreen (yes, Squirrels, we need to wear it too) and drink enough water to swim inside myself. Anyway, I was having a good day. My hormones were in check, so I wasn't my sometimes moody Capricorn self, and I was going about my day,productively. I was completing a project for a client at her place of business, when one of her employees received some upsetting news via cell phone. Apparently, there was disharmony in here household amongst her children, and the drama had this poor lady all twisted. There are moments when the Spirit urges you to witness, and this was definitely one of those times for me, so I asked her if she wanted to pray. She obliged, we embraced and I spoke to Jesus. Afterward, she let loose some of what she was feeling through tears and I too felt lighter, having shared in that moment with a stranger.
Fast forward to later in the day, and I get home to find a few things out of order in my own life. My how things change in the blink of an eye. Now it was my turn to worry and cry. I did what I had to do....I dropped to my knees and had a talk with The Father. I called my girl Dan Belle and vented to her as well, then I did my best to pull it together and continue on with my day. There were no instant solutions to my issues, but there were great lessons to be learned, and so I stand humbled.
Saturday, I got up and began the day with a smile, again. I did some work, then spent time with my friends (like twelve hours), eating and drinking, in the hot arse California sun. Fools gold, I'll call it, because Sunday morning, I was beat down! I spent the afternoon with my lil' cousins (see Who Moved My Chucky Cheese's), and we had a pretty chill day. They swam and I watched.
I relay all of this to say that the daily occurrences, the twists and turns, the Sugars and Shhts of life, are simply that. Hill Clint knows this firsthand. Seldom do we have great control over life, and its best to be faithful and kind, while doing the best you can do, when you can. Oh, and don't forget to smile!
The Maven
Friday, my day began with a smile. Granted, its been hot enough here to fry some stank bologna on the ground, but I'm not complainin'; I just slap on some sunscreen (yes, Squirrels, we need to wear it too) and drink enough water to swim inside myself. Anyway, I was having a good day. My hormones were in check, so I wasn't my sometimes moody Capricorn self, and I was going about my day,productively. I was completing a project for a client at her place of business, when one of her employees received some upsetting news via cell phone. Apparently, there was disharmony in here household amongst her children, and the drama had this poor lady all twisted. There are moments when the Spirit urges you to witness, and this was definitely one of those times for me, so I asked her if she wanted to pray. She obliged, we embraced and I spoke to Jesus. Afterward, she let loose some of what she was feeling through tears and I too felt lighter, having shared in that moment with a stranger.
Fast forward to later in the day, and I get home to find a few things out of order in my own life. My how things change in the blink of an eye. Now it was my turn to worry and cry. I did what I had to do....I dropped to my knees and had a talk with The Father. I called my girl Dan Belle and vented to her as well, then I did my best to pull it together and continue on with my day. There were no instant solutions to my issues, but there were great lessons to be learned, and so I stand humbled.
Saturday, I got up and began the day with a smile, again. I did some work, then spent time with my friends (like twelve hours), eating and drinking, in the hot arse California sun. Fools gold, I'll call it, because Sunday morning, I was beat down! I spent the afternoon with my lil' cousins (see Who Moved My Chucky Cheese's), and we had a pretty chill day. They swam and I watched.
I relay all of this to say that the daily occurrences, the twists and turns, the Sugars and Shhts of life, are simply that. Hill Clint knows this firsthand. Seldom do we have great control over life, and its best to be faithful and kind, while doing the best you can do, when you can. Oh, and don't forget to smile!
The Maven
6.15.2008
In Honor of Papa
Today is Father's Day. By the grace of God, I happen to have the coolest Cat Daddy on EARTH, for a father. Unfortunately, we are not able to spend the day together, as I am home in Cali and he is in Florida for a work-related conference.
In honor of my Papa, I am enjoying his favorite work of art - Jazz music. He is especially fond of John Coltrane, thus my very own affinity for all things "Trane". As I am writing now, Sonny Rollins and Thelonious Monk are playing "I Want To Be Happy"; so apropos.
My Dad and I represent the epitome of a father-daughter relationship. Our initials are the same, with my first name being a derivative of his, and my middle name is that of the daughter of a well known jazz musician. Papa is by all accounts, my first love, most certainly one of my best friends and definitely along with The Lady, my staunchest supporter.
I could not imagine what type of woman I would be, were it not for his guidance, love and lessons. Papa is a Virgo, and if you know Virgo's then you're aware of how determined and direct they can be. Papa is King of the lecture (he once lectured one of my boyfriend's on our front step about bringing me home after curfew). I've been getting lectured for as long as I can remember, and although I sometimes tire of them, I appreciate them nonetheless, especially since they are highlighted by his distinct, silky smooth dialect. The Lady (Mom) laughs at me because no one is better at imitating him than I. I can never repeat something he has said without using "the voice", it wouldn't have the same effect. For those of you that know Papa, now is your time chuckle.
When I was a little girl, we were attached at the hip. We used to share lots of laughs and junk food (i.e. Twinkies and Suzy Q's). One of my fondest memories is riding in the car with him, listening to, you guessed it.....JAZZ!
We would take a ride to River Oaks (a mall) or spin on Lake Shore Drive, windows down, music blaring with sweet, warm Chicago breezes kissing our faces. On the weekends, when I might sleep in, I would awake to the sound of Papa's music outside because he played it while washing his car. When I got to H.S., I would often stop by his downtown office on my way home, and hear him fuss for "coming up on my jooobbbb"! Secretly, I know he was happy to see me! Sometimes, we would ride the train home or if he had driven, we might stop by Granny Helen's house on the way to the crib, to say hello.
Papa is set to retire this fall and I know he is a bit anxious. He speaks about moving to California, but only time will tell. I want to let him know that I am so proud to have him as my Dad and I am so grateful for all the sacrifices he made along with The Lady, in order for me to have an amazing childhood. Thank you, for continuing to be there for me, even now. You always offer encouragement and wise words. I also want to take this time to apologize for blowing your hard earned cash while away at college. My bad (Smiles).
With Love,
The Maven
6.11.2008
Before My Very Eyes
Have you ever watched someone you love and admire blossom and excel into the very thing you always knew they could be?
That's how I feel about my little brother. Granted, he's a grown man now, but to me he will always be the one I doted over and kept my girls away from (or tried to, at least).
Seeing this video, made by Sam's high school classmate, brings back great memories of his college games when the family would trek to Normal, Illinois and sit out in the brutal, midwest cold or the scorching heat to watch the games. Just so you know, he is a shut down Corner! What a special and magical time! It was a pleasure watching Sam and his teammates, some of which he is still cool with (what up Mondo, what up Wayne!), play their hearts out and battle for each other on that turf week after week.
What I love most about my little brother is that he is not a quitter. Yes, he had his brief stints in the NFL, but he never gave up and has made a place for himself in the CFL (I've since grown to adore Vancouver). He plays in Winnepeg now, on the same team as his college roomie, the then and now team QB, Kevin Glenn. They have grown to become remarkable and upstanding gentlemen and for that I am very grateful. They're in camp now, working hard and preparing for the coming season, and I can't wait to watch their games. Go Blue Bombers!
As always, Sister loves ya!
Hold it down!
The Maven
5.29.2008
Tears Of........
I am prone to crying. I'm an emotional beast. It seems that my tear ducts are always loaded and the slightest, most tender things set them off. I have three friends in particular who are equally as sensitive, they cry at the drop of a dime, just like Justine on Run's House. You broads know who you are so I won't put you on blast.
Continuing on, I get completely overwhelmed and misty when I see hummingbird's up close or a full, glowing moon. These two phenomena are the most delightful, beautiful and calming things I've ever laid my big brown eyes upon.
As I was growing up, I cried when I got picked on for being a bean pole.
I tear up when I think someone I love or care for is hurting or sad and obviously I can say the same for those times when I am pained or melancholy.
I cry often when I think of loved ones I've lost, especially my grandmothers. There is an inexplicable emptiness without them around.
Sometimes, I still let a tear drop when I remember Hurricane Katrina and how my people's bodies were floating around in that murky water.
I cry when I feel I've disappointed someone.
I cry when I've let myself down, like the time I dropped my cats off at the shelter.
I cry when I am in the midst of PMS.
I cry when I feel a Jones coming on behind some Squirrel I call myself liking.
I cry when I see stories of triumph and major accomplishment on t.v., or when I learn of something wonderful and charitable that has been done to help people in need.
My tears are never spared on some of my favorite flicks like Love Jones, Shakespeare In Love, The Color Purple, The Wiz, and Imitation of Life. I also cried the first time The Boondocks aired their Season One classic episodes, Return Of The King and The Passion Of Reverend Ruckus.
I still cry during A Different World, when in 1992, Dwayne Wayne wedding crashed and rose up to ask of Whitley, "will you?", as she stood at the altar to marry Byron. I have this episode saved on my Tivo.
I cried when Martin proposed to Gina.
I cry sometimes when I'm talking to the Lord.
Lately, I'm always choking back tears whenever I'm around kids. My maternal clock is wreaking havoc on me.
Now don't get me wrong, I certainly cry when I'm happy. Why, just tonight I shed a tear of joy because I finished the first phase of a goal I've set for myself.
Whenever my parents come to visit me, I get so excited once I get to the airport, that I cry then too.
I cried when my best friend recently obtained her PhD.
I cry during gut bucket laughter everytime I talk to my homegirl Clark-Crittle. She's the funniest person I know.
I cried at the weddings of two of my girls last summer and fall. They were both gorgeous brides.
Trust and believe that the tears will be joyfully and proudly flowing when Barack is finally our President.
I believe my tears are my fountain of youth; keeps my soul replenished; keeps me youthful and breathtakingly fine! LOL! (I'm serious)
I share all this with you so that you may feel liberated to cry or boo hoo with the ugly face, for whatever reasons move you. Really, it's ok. And, if you have any problems tapping into that part of your emotions, just imagine that I am weeping on your behalf, because as you can see, I am not a tear-phobe. I cry all the time! (Smile)
Have a WONDERFUL day!
The Maven
Continuing on, I get completely overwhelmed and misty when I see hummingbird's up close or a full, glowing moon. These two phenomena are the most delightful, beautiful and calming things I've ever laid my big brown eyes upon.
As I was growing up, I cried when I got picked on for being a bean pole.
I tear up when I think someone I love or care for is hurting or sad and obviously I can say the same for those times when I am pained or melancholy.
I cry often when I think of loved ones I've lost, especially my grandmothers. There is an inexplicable emptiness without them around.
Sometimes, I still let a tear drop when I remember Hurricane Katrina and how my people's bodies were floating around in that murky water.
I cry when I feel I've disappointed someone.
I cry when I've let myself down, like the time I dropped my cats off at the shelter.
I cry when I am in the midst of PMS.
I cry when I feel a Jones coming on behind some Squirrel I call myself liking.
I cry when I see stories of triumph and major accomplishment on t.v., or when I learn of something wonderful and charitable that has been done to help people in need.
My tears are never spared on some of my favorite flicks like Love Jones, Shakespeare In Love, The Color Purple, The Wiz, and Imitation of Life. I also cried the first time The Boondocks aired their Season One classic episodes, Return Of The King and The Passion Of Reverend Ruckus.
I still cry during A Different World, when in 1992, Dwayne Wayne wedding crashed and rose up to ask of Whitley, "will you?", as she stood at the altar to marry Byron. I have this episode saved on my Tivo.
I cried when Martin proposed to Gina.
I cry sometimes when I'm talking to the Lord.
Lately, I'm always choking back tears whenever I'm around kids. My maternal clock is wreaking havoc on me.
Now don't get me wrong, I certainly cry when I'm happy. Why, just tonight I shed a tear of joy because I finished the first phase of a goal I've set for myself.
Whenever my parents come to visit me, I get so excited once I get to the airport, that I cry then too.
I cried when my best friend recently obtained her PhD.
I cry during gut bucket laughter everytime I talk to my homegirl Clark-Crittle. She's the funniest person I know.
I cried at the weddings of two of my girls last summer and fall. They were both gorgeous brides.
Trust and believe that the tears will be joyfully and proudly flowing when Barack is finally our President.
I believe my tears are my fountain of youth; keeps my soul replenished; keeps me youthful and breathtakingly fine! LOL! (I'm serious)
I share all this with you so that you may feel liberated to cry or boo hoo with the ugly face, for whatever reasons move you. Really, it's ok. And, if you have any problems tapping into that part of your emotions, just imagine that I am weeping on your behalf, because as you can see, I am not a tear-phobe. I cry all the time! (Smile)
Have a WONDERFUL day!
The Maven
5.27.2008
Who's Idea Was This?
Click here for Born Ready
I'm just sayin'........Episodes????
I find it difficult to give this a nod. I'd like to know who convinced this child and his Momma and Daddy to place themselves under such undue and premature scrutiny. If in fact, he "makes it", they will have all the solicited and unsolicited media attention they can bargain for.
This is a prime example of not having the right folks around, but I could be wrong. Hopefully there will be a shining beam of light when all is said and done.
We'll just wait a few years to see.
Sidenote: Somebody needs to get a hold of that GF. She's gonna need some polish.
I'm just sayin'........Episodes????
I find it difficult to give this a nod. I'd like to know who convinced this child and his Momma and Daddy to place themselves under such undue and premature scrutiny. If in fact, he "makes it", they will have all the solicited and unsolicited media attention they can bargain for.
This is a prime example of not having the right folks around, but I could be wrong. Hopefully there will be a shining beam of light when all is said and done.
We'll just wait a few years to see.
Sidenote: Somebody needs to get a hold of that GF. She's gonna need some polish.
5.22.2008
It's Raining!
It's raining in Santa Monica! I can't tell you how thrilled and happy I am! My mood just did a 180. It's game time and I'm enjoying a crisp glass of Pinot Grigio with my front door wide open! I just love, love, love the rain. It smells SO DAMN FRESH! I have a fond memory of my grandmother Honey and I dancing in the rain out in front of she and my mom's houses. Classic!
Rain is a luxury here in LA. So imagine my excitement when the sky turned and ominous gray and thunder began to roll!
I'll let Sergio Mendes and Brazil '66 express just how I'm feelin'.........
Rain is a luxury here in LA. So imagine my excitement when the sky turned and ominous gray and thunder began to roll!
I'll let Sergio Mendes and Brazil '66 express just how I'm feelin'.........
5.19.2008
Hold It Down for Wifey 101
What I really wanted him to say was........"back up off my broad before I bust that ass". This will do, though. (Smiles)
5.10.2008
In Honor of The Lady
There is a scene in the movie The Joy Luck Club, where the main character, June, tells a story to a little girl about a feather and a mother's good intentions. The story speaks to the core of a mother's love for her child. I've seen this movie countless times, and each time I watch it this scene sticks out as one that touches me deeply. Although I've yet to cross the threshold of motherhood, I am certain that when God's blessing pours upon me in that way, I will be more than ready. I say this so boldly because I have the greatest mother in the world, a shining example of womanhood and humanity.
I call her Ladyjane and here on the blog, I always refer to her as "The Lady". My mother and I have become great friends over the years, which is one of the greatest points in a mother-daughter relationship. She celebrates my victories, gives me a shoulder to cry on when I'm hurt, shares in my secrets, and laughs along with me when I'm in a silly mood. She taught me to accept and love myself in spite of what others had to say. You see, I used to catch the blues as a child. I was a late bloomer in every sense of the phrase. The Lady made sure I knew that it was okay to look like Olive Oyl, have nappy hair, and brown skin.
I want to thank her for her many sacrifices throughout the years. As I become older, I understand the magnitude of those sacrifices more and more. My parents married at a young age, and my mom gave birth to me at a young age. I realize that all the things she allowed and encouraged me to do as I was growing up, are perhaps things she didn't get to experience because I was hanging off her ta ta's. She afforded me dance lessons, AWANA Club, summer camps, road trips, enhanced educational experiences and tools, braces, my first car.....I could go on, but you get the point.
Our mother's want nothing but the best for us, but most of all, I believe, they want us to avoid their pitfalls, mistakes, heartaches, and disappointments. They often wish they could take our places, to shield us from life's harshness. Over the years they fed us, clothed us, disciplined us, educated us, and loved our dirty "draws", all in the hopes that we'd turn out to be respectable and productive.
I'd like to let The Lady know that she prepared me well, I'm proud that she is my mom and I do my best not to embarrass her when I'm out in the streets!
Happy Mother's Day, girl!
The Maven
5.04.2008
A Monday Mind
.....it's was rough last week y'all.......
We Wear the Mask
We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.
Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.
We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!
-Paul Lawrence Dunbar
We Wear the Mask
We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.
Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.
We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!
-Paul Lawrence Dunbar
4.29.2008
A Piece of Peace
Tranquility seems to elude me as of late. There just seems to be SO MUCH NOISE and I'm not referring to traffic . The idiot box is wearing me thin! The mainstream media is acting like the mob an I feel as though I need to enter into protective custody. Between the reports of ensuing famine and world hunger, rising fuel prices, an increase in crime, a looming recession, and the tomfoolery that is our political process, I can't seem to concentrate. No wonder reality t.v. is doing so well. It numbs your sensibilities.
Anyway, my once certain understanding of societal issues, has now evolved into an amalgamation of anger, confusion, disbelief, doubt and indifference.
For instance, why is the life of My Man (future post) consistently challenged and devalued from inside and outside forces? He might not be important to some, but he damn sure means the world to Me. Rest peacefully, Sean Bell et al.....
Moving on, why is it that my Press-and-dent can lie, steal, cheat and stumble over simple English words for eight years with little or no resistance from the citizens, pundits or political representatives of our fair land, but My Pastor can't speak truth to power without being labeled a tyrant (I told y'all about fear)? Let the record show that I'm all for freedom of speech and opinion, but some people's criticism and ire, I think, is ill-placed.
What would The Elders say? Should we be taking to the F'n streets in new-aged revolt against our current government for the way they have been carrying us?! And by "us" I mean ALL of us, everydamnbody, regardless of race, gender, education or socio-economic status. They have treated us like a two-dollar whore (think stimulus checks). Remember and know this.... beeEss trickles down and we are all eventually affected in someway by the disrespect, deception, suffering, slighting, mistreatment and/or underserving of another human being.
Don't wait on Uncouth to come and ring your Cushy doorbell. Like Huey of The Boondocks so eloquently stated when a crazy Midwestern February day turned from 90 degrees to freezing within hours, "maybe the heat does make people crazy......before you know it, crazy becomes normal.....but, sanity eventually returns, and when it does, you better have your coat."
When you have time of course, I would be remiss if I didn't share the entire episode with you for your full understanding. It is well worth viewing here.
Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to catch Sportscenter. I'll choose ball banter, stats and highlights over depressing news any day.
Go J, Go Hawks!
Anyway, my once certain understanding of societal issues, has now evolved into an amalgamation of anger, confusion, disbelief, doubt and indifference.
For instance, why is the life of My Man (future post) consistently challenged and devalued from inside and outside forces? He might not be important to some, but he damn sure means the world to Me. Rest peacefully, Sean Bell et al.....
Moving on, why is it that my Press-and-dent can lie, steal, cheat and stumble over simple English words for eight years with little or no resistance from the citizens, pundits or political representatives of our fair land, but My Pastor can't speak truth to power without being labeled a tyrant (I told y'all about fear)? Let the record show that I'm all for freedom of speech and opinion, but some people's criticism and ire, I think, is ill-placed.
What would The Elders say? Should we be taking to the F'n streets in new-aged revolt against our current government for the way they have been carrying us?! And by "us" I mean ALL of us, everydamnbody, regardless of race, gender, education or socio-economic status. They have treated us like a two-dollar whore (think stimulus checks). Remember and know this.... beeEss trickles down and we are all eventually affected in someway by the disrespect, deception, suffering, slighting, mistreatment and/or underserving of another human being.
Don't wait on Uncouth to come and ring your Cushy doorbell. Like Huey of The Boondocks so eloquently stated when a crazy Midwestern February day turned from 90 degrees to freezing within hours, "maybe the heat does make people crazy......before you know it, crazy becomes normal.....but, sanity eventually returns, and when it does, you better have your coat."
When you have time of course, I would be remiss if I didn't share the entire episode with you for your full understanding. It is well worth viewing here.
Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to catch Sportscenter. I'll choose ball banter, stats and highlights over depressing news any day.
Go J, Go Hawks!
4.16.2008
Me
There are times when I "check out". My girls understand. They laugh at me and say I'm on some "Maven" shit. They joke about me being somewhere meditating and burning incense, writing poetry and crying behind some love song.
They don't lie.
I get lost in myself sometimes. I relish it. Call it onlychildism. Call it Capricornism. Call it life.
I'm in my late thirties. By this time, I think we expect to have it all figured out, right? However, the wisdom of the elders reminds us that our learning has probably just begun, and actually never stops.
I watched this clip of E Badu singing "Me" and I love this song, it's comforting and affirming. See for yourself.......
Damn, that chick is soulful! My girl Stella and I always dub Erykah as the baddest. I admire her, because she lets it all hang out, her strengths and her flaws. She'll snatch her damn wig off at any given moment. I love it!
Anyway, I realize that I like who I'm becoming. It has been and will continue to be a journey of good days and bad, but beautiful none the less.
I give of myself, and perhaps too much sometimes. I've been known to love with reckless abandon, but too many broken hearts have curtailed that a bit. I'm cautious now.
I want to be solid in my professional life, in my finances, in my relationships with those I love.
I was talking to my girl, Mama So Fine, yesterday (I gave her that nickname years ago when she was pregnant because she was the flyest mother-to-be I'd ever seen). Over the years, she and I have come up with some of the craziest business ideas, and every now and then we rehash them and recycle them into something else, laughing all the while about how none of them have truly come to fruition. I asked her to promise with me, that we shall have no more regrets when it comes to our business lives. This includes stepping up our networking, socializing, and follow-up. We have agreed to be accountability partners. Basically, I've given her "no holds" permission to call me on my b.s. and I couldn't be happier.
This no regrets concept must be applied in all aspects of my life, though. Having no regrets, to me, means laying it on the line and making decisions that are in your best interest. If you hate it or love it, say it! If it can further your growth, do it. If it can harm you or get in your way, cut it loose. If its something that is good for you or to you, roll with it. If you can help someone else in need, by all means, pass it on.
I wake up and pray to be someone better than I was the day before.
I am ME, who are you?
They don't lie.
I get lost in myself sometimes. I relish it. Call it onlychildism. Call it Capricornism. Call it life.
I'm in my late thirties. By this time, I think we expect to have it all figured out, right? However, the wisdom of the elders reminds us that our learning has probably just begun, and actually never stops.
I watched this clip of E Badu singing "Me" and I love this song, it's comforting and affirming. See for yourself.......
Damn, that chick is soulful! My girl Stella and I always dub Erykah as the baddest. I admire her, because she lets it all hang out, her strengths and her flaws. She'll snatch her damn wig off at any given moment. I love it!
Anyway, I realize that I like who I'm becoming. It has been and will continue to be a journey of good days and bad, but beautiful none the less.
I give of myself, and perhaps too much sometimes. I've been known to love with reckless abandon, but too many broken hearts have curtailed that a bit. I'm cautious now.
I want to be solid in my professional life, in my finances, in my relationships with those I love.
I was talking to my girl, Mama So Fine, yesterday (I gave her that nickname years ago when she was pregnant because she was the flyest mother-to-be I'd ever seen). Over the years, she and I have come up with some of the craziest business ideas, and every now and then we rehash them and recycle them into something else, laughing all the while about how none of them have truly come to fruition. I asked her to promise with me, that we shall have no more regrets when it comes to our business lives. This includes stepping up our networking, socializing, and follow-up. We have agreed to be accountability partners. Basically, I've given her "no holds" permission to call me on my b.s. and I couldn't be happier.
This no regrets concept must be applied in all aspects of my life, though. Having no regrets, to me, means laying it on the line and making decisions that are in your best interest. If you hate it or love it, say it! If it can further your growth, do it. If it can harm you or get in your way, cut it loose. If its something that is good for you or to you, roll with it. If you can help someone else in need, by all means, pass it on.
I wake up and pray to be someone better than I was the day before.
I am ME, who are you?
4.04.2008
In Memoriam and In Celebration
Today, our country remembers the legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Forty years ago today, Dr. King was assassinated. There are ceremonies taking place throughout the country, but most notably, in Atlanta, GA, the place where he and his beloved Coretta Scott King are laid to rest. His surviving daughter, Elder Bernice King is speaking to young people at the Sacred Ebenezer Baptist Church. Also today, in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, Senator Obama has made a speech to commemorate Dr. King's legacy. Senator McCain remembered Dr. King while speaking in front of the Lorraine Motel in Memphis, TN, where Dr. King was gunned down. McCain expressed regret in having previously voted against the institution of a national holiday for Dr. King (you learn something new everyday). Sarcastically, I heard a sister yell out from the crowd, "how do you feel about the holiday today?". and he quickly responded "I feel okay." You've gotta love my people (smiles).
On another note, today is the eightieth birthday of the lovely, wonderful, cherished and treasured Dr. Maya Angelou, teacher and writer. She told Tamron Hall this morning on MSNBC, that for all these years, she had not celebrated her birthday because of Dr. King's murder. She also told of the bond she shared, on this day, with Coretta and how different the past two years have been without her.
My childhood was made richer because I was immersed in Black History. The contributions of people like these two are part of my foundation; a reason why I hold my head high.
Rest in peace, Dr. King.
Happy Birthday, Dr. Angelou!
Thanks to you both for your influence on my life.
Forty years ago today, Dr. King was assassinated. There are ceremonies taking place throughout the country, but most notably, in Atlanta, GA, the place where he and his beloved Coretta Scott King are laid to rest. His surviving daughter, Elder Bernice King is speaking to young people at the Sacred Ebenezer Baptist Church. Also today, in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, Senator Obama has made a speech to commemorate Dr. King's legacy. Senator McCain remembered Dr. King while speaking in front of the Lorraine Motel in Memphis, TN, where Dr. King was gunned down. McCain expressed regret in having previously voted against the institution of a national holiday for Dr. King (you learn something new everyday). Sarcastically, I heard a sister yell out from the crowd, "how do you feel about the holiday today?". and he quickly responded "I feel okay." You've gotta love my people (smiles).
On another note, today is the eightieth birthday of the lovely, wonderful, cherished and treasured Dr. Maya Angelou, teacher and writer. She told Tamron Hall this morning on MSNBC, that for all these years, she had not celebrated her birthday because of Dr. King's murder. She also told of the bond she shared, on this day, with Coretta and how different the past two years have been without her.
My childhood was made richer because I was immersed in Black History. The contributions of people like these two are part of my foundation; a reason why I hold my head high.
Rest in peace, Dr. King.
Happy Birthday, Dr. Angelou!
Thanks to you both for your influence on my life.
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