Squirrel, Please

The first time I saw this commercial, I damn near peed my pants. I called The Lady (that is Mom for future reference) and told her all about it. She too, nearly peed her pants. Around the time PSP dropped this comedy, there was some controversy/debate about the use of the word rhyming with Trigga. It may have been the Imus debacle, who knows? That is irrelevant. What matters is that I decided to substitute the derogatory word with the term "Squirrel". Yes, that's it, I thought! This crafty wordplay will be my carrot stick, my nicotine patch. I will say "Squirrel" instead of that other vile word and clear my conscious (sort of.) Try it for yourself. Go 'head, I'll wait.........

In the meantime, I need to address a few Squirrels who have made headlines lately. Seems to me like they drank the kool aid.


You received your comeuppance yesterday homey. It was Nicole Brown Simpson Revenge all up and through the courtroom at your expense. Judge Jackie Glass stood tall to you,Juice, and doubled your bail for a display of "arrogance/ignorance", she wasn't sure which one it was, and according to her, it could have been both. I think she is right on the latter. Folks are tired of your new aged song and dance. All these years, you've been thinking that you were above the b.s. that most black folks, or for that matter, most human beings deal with on a regular. Somehow, you were under the impression that you were different. Now you had to put up collateral from your crib to cover your arse. Sorry man, I hate to say it, but you've been a victim of your own simplicity. Damn shame.


Contrary to what you've been told Blade, Dark Chocolate does indeed melt and right now, you are in the fondue pot. The Internal Rectum Service is coming for you. One of your ill-advisers convinced you that the "861 position" would spare you from paying taxes on all those millions you made when that Dark Chocolate was hot. Now you have jumped from the fire into the frying pan with an all white jury. Who does that?!!? I guess you do. See ya in court!


We never believed you anyway.


You should have kept your mouth closed from the very beginning. It does not surprise me though, because your judgement has been questionable for quite some time. When I saw you on the telly speaking grimy about Barack, I wondered what big business entity you were trying to saddle up to. I will spare you by not injecting race into this. You've done enough damage to many things Black, on your own. I don't need to present any evidence of this, just randomly ask anyone walking down Hood Ave., USA. Go 'head, I'll wait. In the meantime, you are eating crow. Reset dude. Focus on filling those seats at The Charlotte Bobcats Arena. Ish looks SO crazy on tv when no one is there.

I'm done. Oprah is about to come on.

-The Maven

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