There are times when I "check out". My girls understand. They laugh at me and say I'm on some "Maven" shit. They joke about me being somewhere meditating and burning incense, writing poetry and crying behind some love song.

They don't lie.

I get lost in myself sometimes. I relish it. Call it onlychildism. Call it Capricornism. Call it life.

I'm in my late thirties. By this time, I think we expect to have it all figured out, right? However, the wisdom of the elders reminds us that our learning has probably just begun, and actually never stops.

I watched this clip of E Badu singing "Me" and I love this song, it's comforting and affirming. See for yourself.......

Damn, that chick is soulful! My girl Stella and I always dub Erykah as the baddest. I admire her, because she lets it all hang out, her strengths and her flaws. She'll snatch her damn wig off at any given moment. I love it!

Anyway, I realize that I like who I'm becoming. It has been and will continue to be a journey of good days and bad, but beautiful none the less.

I give of myself, and perhaps too much sometimes. I've been known to love with reckless abandon, but too many broken hearts have curtailed that a bit. I'm cautious now.

I want to be solid in my professional life, in my finances, in my relationships with those I love.

I was talking to my girl, Mama So Fine, yesterday (I gave her that nickname years ago when she was pregnant because she was the flyest mother-to-be I'd ever seen). Over the years, she and I have come up with some of the craziest business ideas, and every now and then we rehash them and recycle them into something else, laughing all the while about how none of them have truly come to fruition. I asked her to promise with me, that we shall have no more regrets when it comes to our business lives. This includes stepping up our networking, socializing, and follow-up. We have agreed to be accountability partners. Basically, I've given her "no holds" permission to call me on my b.s. and I couldn't be happier.

This no regrets concept must be applied in all aspects of my life, though. Having no regrets, to me, means laying it on the line and making decisions that are in your best interest. If you hate it or love it, say it! If it can further your growth, do it. If it can harm you or get in your way, cut it loose. If its something that is good for you or to you, roll with it. If you can help someone else in need, by all means, pass it on.

I wake up and pray to be someone better than I was the day before.

I am ME, who are you?

1 comment:

ROCK said...

You know who I Be, Maven. I have to say the best way to examine yourself is to see how you affect others. I know it's kind of a lofty idea but it's the truth. When you have most of those who you love & who hate you seeking your presence/counsel/love/advice, etc then you have come full circle. You give the most of yourself because you are just that and through your journey of life have developed into a higher understanding most of us only play with. THAT is helping others is what makes you divine. You are amazing, Maven and your spirit is fan-fucking-tastic! The rest of us mere mortals should thank the stars and praise GOD for blessing us with you. I don't confess to blow smoke, I only speak what my heart tells me is true.
Peace & LOVE
Chicago Jedi '08